Reading articles about new layoffs each week has sadly become too common the past couple months. This week, two more music-related casualties were announced, beginning with the rumored layoffs at Epic Records of Brett Greenberg (Texas/Oklahoma/Arkansas promotion regional) and Jen Dalton (Denver regional). Greenberg was previously employed by Epic in the Sony Music Marketing division from 1990-2001, and Dalton had worked there for three-and-a-half years. Seriously, Epic, if you want to lay someone off, start with this girl right here. Or, instead, concentrate on fixing your slow-moving flash website that froze my computer for two minutes.

Additionally, CBS Interactive (a.k.a. the big boss that bought Last.fm last year for $280 million) is also laying off employees from a few of its companies, starting with Last.fm. Apparently, the number of Last.fm layoffs is less than 20, so hopefully it won’t be too catastrophic.

Seymour Stein, VP at Warner Music Group and founder of Sire Records, offered this tiny nugget of a quote for all of us to read and laugh at, as quoted in The Globe and Mail (via Coolfer):

We blew it. The first major music labels were all phonograph manufacturers, but by the time the Beatles came along, most companies were no longer involved in the hardware. Had we remained in control of the hardware, we wouldn’t be hurting as much as we are now. And the iPod would be ours.

Yes, you sure "blew it," record companies. What’s keeping you in the red isn’t the horrible music product that you promote or your contradictory approach to the digital world or that you call digital-oriented consumers "pirates"or, as Coolfer suggests, your apparent lack of interest in entering the cash cow world of merchandise, ticketing, e-commerce, management, or touring. No, it’s because you don’t control the production and sale of, uh, hardware, like the iPod...

Can you believe executives like these are calling the shots? They really need to stop worrying about what decisions they COULD have made and worry about what great decisions they SHOULD be making now. Like putting out my record.

Here’s Belle and Sebastian’s take:

Duh.

Atlantic Records made history recently when it became the first major label record to announce that its digital sales were 1% higher than revenue accrued from physical CD sales! For all you mathphobics out there, this means that digital sales earned a whopping 51% of total revenue.

For those of you who have been living in some dark cave, their parents’ basement, or decided to chill out and spend a couple years frozen solid (like me), “MP3s,” as they call them, have steadily been on the rise as the prime format for music storage. Whether it be through legal or illegal means, anyone with half a brain knows that a growing segment of the population, including tech-savvy hipsters and SUV-driving hockey moms alike, have been buying up “MP3 players,” collecting “ringtones,” and “downloading” their music from online sources like “Rhapsody” or, say, “iTunes.”

Warner Music Group announced that their digital revenues rose by 39%, topping out at 639 million doll hairs in the previous fiscal year. Julie Greenwald, president of Atlantic Records, had this to say: “I think we’ve figured [music] out.”

So, what next? Will physical CD sales continue to decline? Does this signal the end of the album? Will the next Ironman movie be as good as the first? Will CDs become a thing of the past, joining vinyl records as a niche market? Will record stores die out only to be replaced by online download stations and boutique clothing shops? Who knows!

Only time will tell where mankind goes from here. Onward and Upwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!!

“Piracy is ‘free riding;’ theft of someone else’s property and a crime under the law. It deprives authors, performers and producers of the income they need to work. It seriously harms musical creation and the development of new artists.” (Emphasis mine)

So sayeth the SCPP, a French organization of music producers whose members range from scrappy independents to the four big dick majors, Sony BMG, EMI, Warner, and Universal. Hey, could you do my a favor? Read that quote again, and once more after that if you need to. I want you to get yourself good and enraged; shoot for a level of fury a wee bit stronger than penning a furious, error-riddled blog post but weaker than calling your mailman a cocksucker just so you can vent. Done? Okay, now that we’re on the same frequency of rage. Let’s continue.

According to TorrentFreak, the SCPP, along with another French society of music producers called SACEM, has filed a complaint against the file sharing community’s ol’ reliable Soulseek. The organizations claim that Soulseek is an application specifically designed to give users unauthorized access to copyrighted materials. Well, obviously! That’s why this message is on Soulseek’s homepage, “Soulseek(tm) does not endorse nor condone the sharing of copyrighted materials. You should only share and download files which you are legally allowed to or have otherwise received permission to share.” You see? Specifically created for the illegal proliferation of our precious copyrighted materials. Throw the book at ‘em, heroes.

At this point you’re probably thinking, “But Mike, only prematurely balding hipsters like me use Soulseek, and I only download King Crimson bootlegs and bleepy bloopy electronica albums no else cares about. These French guys probably want to sue Limewire or Vuze; those ones have all the popular stuff.” Well don’t you worry, dear reader, they already have! Along with pursuing justice against Soulseek, SACEM and SCPP have filed complaints against Limewire, Sourceforge, Vuze, and Morpheus (That’s still around?). Oh, to be young and have a ruthless team of lawyers at my beck and call.

It’s difficult to tell what sort of effect these suits will have outside of France, but with the four major labels involved in this mess, I imagine a ruling in favor of the producers would result in a series of ever-so-annoying limitations on freedom of expression across the internet. Oh, one more thing: For a reminder just how evil those copyright-breaking charlatans at Soulseek are, pop on over to SLSK Records, a sinful haven for unsigned acts to propagate their major label-less “music.” Don’t you assholes know that copyright infringement seriously harms musical creation and the development of new artists?! Stop creating when we’ve got a senseless war to fight, you heartless sons of bitches!

Long ago, when a pastor could deliver his or her words of fire and brimstone to a crowd of thousands of suburban SUV-drivers with clear and crisp confidence, no one dared to imagine that these portentous words would come to haunt the little ear mic thingies lodged in the auditory canals of preachers all over America: “Static, static, static, we’re on a video rage... This is the static age we live in.”

With the FCC’s approval of the Google- and Microsoft-backed plan to open unused portions of the airwaves to wireless devices once U.S. television broadcasts make the switch from analog to digital transmission in February 2009, Glenn Danzig’s song of shaky reception has become the rallying cry of a nation. Or the voice of a really weird amalgamation of lobbyists, including preachers from megachurches, Disney, Dolly Parton, and a few other groups that I will just assume are steamed by the deal, such as car salespeople announcing big blowout sales over their lot’s loudspeakers, boy bands that have fallen from glory and now perform for bored parents on their way to the Dippin’ Dots at mid-sized theme parks, and small-town new reporters demonstrating the art of grape-stomping.

Preachers, Dollywood employees, people dressed up as Sleeping Beauty at Disneyworld, and other really important people are speaking out against the FCC’s recent decision, because they fear that opening up the soon-to-be vacant airwaves to new wi-fi devices will interfere with the reception of wireless microphones used in sports and entertainment broadcasts. Religious groups are already expressing concern that such interference will cut into the budget to send their youth groups to witness spring-breakers at Myrtle Beach.

But leave it to the drug-addled, unstable FCC and wireless companies to endanger the most holy time of the week in their frenzy for their next convenient, wireless, cost-efficient high, as FCC commissioner Jonathan Adelstein explained, “Let’s hope it’s not just Wi-Fi on steroids but Wi-Fi on amphetamines."

Oh, why stop there, you godless technology companies? I want my wi-fi underage, hyped up on meth, and trespassing in the residents-only pool at Pinecrest Condominiums. Then I want it to put on a little lipstick and dance. But, most importantly, I want it to interrupt the mic feed for Dollywood Express.

Hey metro-children, you might not be aware of this, but Circuit City is still around. No shit, seriously. We have one in Athens. I kind of forgot about it until I accidentally found it after failing to find Gossip Girl on DVD at Target, Best Buy, and the mall (everywhere was sold out of it, so shut the fuck up and don’t make fun of me). It was a wasteland — completely empty — and I wondered, “I wonder if anyone even shops here?” Apparently not! Last week, Circuit City Stores Inc., “the nation’s second-biggest electronics retailer,” filed for bankruptcy protection. Under the Chapter 11 bankruptcy code, it means that credit-bitches can’t bug the shit out of them until they come up with a reorganization plan. I suggest using my plan, which is to fill up your mailbox so they can’t leave you voicemail.

The company plans to cut 700 or more jobs and close 20% of their stores (which amounts to about 155 stores in 28 or so states). Oh, and layoff thousands of workers, amounting to over 7,000 people getting FUCKED. Circuit City had only one profitable quarter in the past year, thanks to being pile-drived by Best Buy Co. “and others.” Who are the “and others?” An intern where I work mentioned some place called “Fry’s.” I don’t know what that is.

Circuit City stock shares have also been trading for under a buck, but, like, that’s not saying much since the stock market is total balls. Anyway, check your local Circuit City; I bet they are having some pimp sales.

In what must surely be a herald to the approaching golden age of American life and stuff — projected by Nostradamus and a large portion of liberal pundits to occur sometime between November 4, 2008 and January 20, 2009 — there is actually good news coming from the usual total downersville known as the record industry. And it comes in the form of one of the most love stories of our time: that of MP3 album downloads and vinyl sales, together and better than ever.

Over the past year, vinyl LP sales have been on the rise, and online retailer Insound in particular has benefited. Insound co-founder Matt Wishnow recently told Billboard, "The percentage increase over the last 12-18 months in vinyl sales has been dramatic — close to 100%. Our gross margins and pricing model for vinyl are the exact same as that for CDs. However, there is one major difference and that is the elasticity of that margin. We don’t discount vinyl often because consumers believe that vinyl is worth the suggested price."

It’s nice to see a music retailer doing well, and of course it’s awesome to see sales figures helping out the careers of our friends Fleet Foxes and Iron & Wine. But wait, there’s more! Everybody likes hearing good news, but when this good news benefits you yourself, then it’s AWESOME NEWS! And that’s what’s up next: awesome news. See, when Insound started offering simultaneous MP3 download/vinyl purchase bundles, not too many indie labels were down. But now, online shoppers can expect to find almost 500 titles available from the likes of Sub Pop and Matador, which are providing loads of titles from the two aforementioned bands, as well as The Shins, Mogwai, Wolf Parade, Band of Horses, Flight of the Conchords, and The Postal Service.

It gets better: in 2009, you’ll be able to get MP3 downloads with more than just vinyl. Yes! You’ll be able to get digital download bundles alongside such exciting and possibly earth-friendly physical products such as tote bags! t-shirts! super dreamy band posters! and more, all within roughly $20.

These packages are possible through what Billboard calls more "lenient royalty deals." According to Wishnow, many of Insound’s indie label partners work with artists who "control their own publishing or who have progressive publishers." This allows the online retailer to pay mechanical royalties only once for the download/physical bundles, and helps you, the Flight of the Conchords obsessive, to purchase every single imaginable tie-in and format of music — all for one low, low price.

Think about this: when did In Rainbows come out? You wanna say “It was like six months ago,” right? Because all anyone still talks about is how the distribution method was supposedly fucking genius, right? Or maybe you never got sucked into the cesspool of exalting Thom Yorke for remembering that the internet exists, and you knew right after I asked that the album came out in 2007. Either way, we can all agree that everyone needs to get over the fact that technology affords us a shit-ton of ways to get music.

Apparently, however, Sony BMG isn’t on board with us. It basically goes like this: one day, one of those gift cards at a Safeway checkout stand got really fucked up and, feeling overconfident, managed to pick up a sexy iPod with inexplicably low self-esteem. Nine months later, she called him and said he was going to be a daddy. Their child’s name: Platinum MusicPass. Cute, huh? Unfortunately neither of them could afford a kid and decided to sell it to Sony BMG, which cloned it and is now distributing lots of Sony MusicPasses all over the Southeastern U.S. in Winn-Dixie supermarkets. $12.99 gets you a pass for a full-album download of high-quality MP3s (but are they FLAC rips?) plus bonus material in some instances. Highlights include Korn, Avril Lavigne, the previously mentioned Mr. Zimmerman, and a selection of decades-themed compilations.

Great job, Sony-BMG, you’re definitely not adding an unnecessary intermediary step between MP3 and consumer. And I’m pretty sure people are going to care about this one more than they did about Radiohead!

I am LOVING this economic collapse. I mean, I don’t want to rejoice over the pain and suffering of millions of Americans, because that would be horrible, but in all honesty, it’s brought us a lot of good: My mother just called me yesterday to tell me she paid under $2 per gallon of gas for the first time in forever; Barack Obama and his jolly gang of socialist/terrorist pals defeated the evil Sarah Palin and her 400-year-old, out-of-touch running mate; and, most importantly, everybody’s favorite super-evil-behemoth-man-got-you-down-corporate-ripoff-machine Ticketmaster is doing away with service charges! Rejoice! Collapse!

Okay, it’s not totally doing away with the charges. According to new CEO Irving Azoff, Ticketmaster is “experimenting” with dropping convenience charges at certain events. Still, it’s progress. Ticketmaster is pretty famous with the plebes for tacking on all kinds of ridiculous surcharges and fees on top of every ticket sold. For years now, your $88.50 Bruce Springsteen ticket has magically jumped to $105, mainly because Ticketmaster is chock full of greedy bastards. The crazy thing is Ticketmaster KNEW everyone thought that, yet it CONTINUED with its crappy policies. But now, everything has collapsed. People can’t afford to pay an arm and a leg to see Neil Young, and if nobody buys tickets, that’s bad for Ticketmaster’s bottom line.

Just remember, it is not that Ticketmaster has suddenly decided that it wanted to be nice, it’s just that its stocks are down. And if the stocks are down, investors are unhappy. And then even Ticketmaster is sad. And we don’t want that, do we?

One day in 2006, Vancouver businessman Wayne Crookes got mad at some blogs. Claiming the sites had defamed his character, he filed suit against the offending blogs as well as a number of other websites, including giants like Google, MySpace, and Wikipedia, claiming these big boys allowed users to anonymously post slanderous comments. But Crookes didn’t stop there. For his douche-de-grace, Crookes sued news focused file-sharing site P2Pnet for linking to the alleged defamatory content. Hmm, I wonder why people felt the need to libel him in the first place? He seems like such a swell fellow.

According to TorrentFreak, the British-Columbia Supreme Court recently ruled in favor of P2Pnet, determining that linking to defamatory information is not the same as publishing it, which clears P2Pnet since material must be published in order to prove defamation. Not only is this a fantastic decision for free speech, but also for everybody’s favorite hobby — getting free shit off the internet. Since most BitTorrent sites only link to files and publish nothing on the site itself, this case could stand as an effective precedent reference against potential file-sharing suits.

So, enjoy your landmark case, Canada. I’ll be here in America, hiding under my desk hoping our fucking copyright czar doesn’t catch me downloading High School Musical 3. Sure, I could go to the theater, but I prefer to get my Zac Efron fix in private... Seriously, his eyes are like little pools of eternity.