Q: How many Montreal musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Seven. One to screw in the lightbulb, the rest to form a band, sign to Arts&Crafts, and write an instrumental album about the plight of the light bulb.

...which is kinda sorta what Bell Orchestre did, even going so far as to title their debut album Recording A Tape The Colour Of Light. Dudes, light bulbs are not that interesting. Anyway, I digress. The real story at hand here is that Bell Orchestre are now signed to Arts&Crafts and their follow-up album is due in early 2009. Of course, bands are only allowed to sign to Arts&Crafts if their members are in other super famous indie bands (it’s an official rule, look it up), so when Bell Orchestre inevitably hit the road next year, be on the lookout for Arcade Fire’s Richard Reed Perry and Sarah Neufeld.

I can’t decide which is the better question: Why has it taken so long to make a biopic about French lothario/songwriter Serge Gainsbourg, or why did Gainsbourg never appear on film as a Bond villain? Gainsbourg’s unfathomable ability to seduce the most beautiful women of his day (Jane Birkin, Anna Karina, Brigitte fuckin’ Bardot), industrial strength charm, and penchant for filthy jokes (his only lyrics that don’t read like letters to Penthouse are his songs about poop and farts) would make him a more than worthy adversary for 007. And who knows what direction the movie could have went with an arch-villain who moonlights as a musician. Think Shoot the Piano Player combined with Moonraker! Oh, the wasted possibilities! But enough with my James Bond/ Serge Gainsbourg fan fiction. On to the here and now.

According to Variety, Universal will start shooting on January 19 its first French-language picture Serge Gainsbourg (vie heroique). Heroic life, indeed! The film, written and helmed by graphic novelist Joann Sfar in his directorial debut, will chronicle Gainsbourg from his early years as a persecuted Jew in Nazi-occupied Paris to his shocking and stellar career as a musician, performer, and sexual dynamo, which ended all too soon with his death in 1991. Eric Elmosino will play the man himself with model Laetitia Casta as the oh-so-very-hot Brigitte Bardot (swoon) and Mylene Jampanoi as Serge’s last lover Bambou. Still no word on who will play Whitney Houston, so let’s just hope she uses the embarrassing Gainsbourg gaff as some sort of weird regressive vehicle for her pending comeback.

In conclusion: who is excited? Me. I’m the guy who’s excited.

It’s okay, Indie States of Internet America. We’ll get through this. Catch your breath, have a drink of water, just try to calm down a bit. And please, keep reminding yourself: They did it for the paycheck. It’s just for a paycheck.

At least let’s hope that’s why this pack of usually sensible artists, the jumpers of Cut Copy, the newscasters of Deerhoof, and the mostly naked of Montreal, decided to remix a few of Maroon 5’s songs for the band’s new album, Call and Response: The Remix Album. Along with these three sacred hipster cows, Brit-spitter Mark Ronson and Roots drummer ?uestlove also provide remixes, and the album boasts producing credits from big names like Just Blaze, Pharrell, and Swizz Beatz.

Should curiosity get the best of you, the album is streamable on M5’s MySpace. It’s not too bad actually. Heh, I guess I overreacted a bit. Maroon 5 isn’t trying to usurp hipsters’ cherished sense of removal from mainstream society. They just wanted talented people to reinterpret their work, and kudos to them for their good taste in collaborators! And hell, of Montreal rewrote one of their own songs specifically for an Outback Steakhouse commercial, and they haven’t stopped glamming about like a school of glittery starfish, so there’s no reason to think any of these bands will start to suck either. Let’s admit Maroon 5 into the indie community, people. I’m sure they have nothing but the best—

WAIT A DAMN MINUTE.

Compare Maroon 5’s remix album cover next to The Rapture’s Echoes artwork:

AHH! They’ve gone too far this time! Nobody consumes The Rapture and gets away with it! These Maroon 5 bastards won’t stop until they destroy everything we hold dear, but I sure as hell ain’t gonna lay down while Adam Levine stomps his mainstream boots all over my hipsterhood! So prepare for battle, friends! Gather your smuggest scowls, your most ironic t-shirts, your hardcover copies of Ulysses that you’re never, ever going to read, and let’s go to WAR! We meet on the Fields of Mars at dawn. Good luck.

According to my buds at Pitchfork, Animal Collective are set to release their forthcoming album, Merriweather Post Pavilion, EARLY. And by early, I mean they’ve set a different release date for the vinyl release. While the CD and digital releases are still still scheduled for January 20 (January 12 in the UK), the vinyl + digital download come January 6, the first Tuesday of 2009.

According to people close to the band, "You don’t want to miss this album. Even if you were planning to commit suicide." So, if you were planning to commit suicide on New Year’s Eve, you should perhaps consider rescheduling it for January 7. Go ahead and blow your brains at that time.

Meanwhile, AC have recently scheduled more listening parties. Here they be:

Anchorage, AK - KRUA Presents* Atlanta, GA - Criminal Records - Jan. 1st @ 4PM Austin, TX - End Of And Ear Records & KVRX - Jan. 3 @ 6PM Boston, MA - WZBC presents* Chicago, IL - WHPK presents* Dallas, TX - Gorilla Vs. Bear Presents* Eugene, OR - KWVA Presents* Lawrence, KS - Love Garden Sounds & KJHK - Jan. 6th Los Angeles, CA - Fingerprints Records & KXLU - Jan. 6th Miami, FL - WRGP Presents* Minneapolis, MN - KUOM Presents* New York, NY - Other Music Presents - Jan. 5th Philadelphia, PA - WXPN Presents* Portland, OR - Music Millennium - Jan. 3 @ 6PM Raleigh, NC - WKNC Presents* San Francisco, CA - Terrorbird Presents @ The Knockout - Jan. 6th, 7-10pm** Santa Cruz, CA - KZSC Presents* Seattle, WA - KUPS Presents* St. Louis, MO - Vintage Vinyl & KDHX - Jan. 6th Vancouver, BC - CFUV presents*

*Location & Date TBA
** w/ Maus Haus, French Miami

Animal Collective tourdates:

01.12.08 - London, England - Koko 01.13.08 - Glasgow, Scotland - Glasgow School of Arts 01.14.08 - Manchester, England - Club Academy 01.15.08 - Brighton, England - Concorde 2 01.16.08 - Paris, France - Bataclan 01.17.08 - Leuven, Belgium - Stuk Kunstencentrum 01.18.08 - Berlin, Germany - Postbanhof 01.20.08 - New York, NY - Grand Ballroom 01.21.08 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom 01.22.08 - Chicago, IL - Metro 01.23.08 - Los Angeles, CA - Fonda 01.24.08 - Los Angeles, CA - Troubadour 09.12.08 - Monticello, NY - ATP New York

Rumor has it when hairy hard-dancers Pop Will Eat Itself declared This Is the Day…This Is the Hour…This Is This! back in 1989, they were actually speaking of a future date. Today, actually. (Well, they sure as hell weren’t talking about the day “Seinfeld” premiered, were they?) Accordingly, it makes perfect sense to take a moment, open your windows, and shout PWEI’s declaration of enthusiasm, because today is indeed the day when Young God Records finally releases the debut album by TMT’s favourite bluegrass mowin’ stars, Fire On Fire.

Drum machines, ripped-off riffs, and blatant sloganeering will not play any part in the Fire on Fire revolution; the band takes a much more relaxed stance in their music: making old-time, backporch pickin’ and grinnin’ folk fashionable again hasn’t any need for technology or tricks. After the five-song tease of their autonomous EP, Fire On Fire’s first full-length, The Orchard, is available today exclusively through the YGR website. The first CD edition of The Orchard is limited and numbered to 1000, with cover art by chief firestarter Colleen Kinsella.

Acoustic riffs... yeah! Can you dig it?

The Orchard tracklisting:

1. Sirocco
2. Heavy D
3. Assanine Race
4. The Orchard
5. Flordinese
6. Hartford Blues
7. Toknight
8. Squeeze Box
9. Flight Song
10. Grin
11. Tsunami
12. Haystack

Okay, so Thom Yorke’s chubby really has nothing to do with this story, unless of course you want to picture it while reading this story. Actually, I encourage you to do just that. I DEMAND IT.

I’ll give you a second...

Picturing it? Good. VERY good.

Alright, now for the other "meat" of the story: Stanley Donwood, frequent artist for Radiohead (and whose real name is Dan Rickwood), has started his own label, Six Inch Records. The idea is to release only three albums on CDs housed in a unique handmade package. Only 333 copies of each release will be made, and then the label is, as they say in America and other English-speaking countries, DONE. (FYI: Donwood was drunk when he decided to start it.)

Here’s Donwood’s explanation of the packaging:

Six Inch Records are released in compact disc format. However, as we believe that compact discs are too small, we package our releases by hand into sleeves that are six inches square. This is done using a design process that we believe to be unique, a process that we made up as we went along. First, we cut beermat board into 6" x 6" squares. Then we cut a hole into the beermat board the size of a compact disc. The CD is then pressed into the hole. We then letterpress the details of the release onto ’printaboard’, the stuff used by cereal-box manufacturers, using moveable lead type and woodblock type. The printaboard is then scored and cut into shape. We then fold, glue and stick the sleeves together. Following this, the CD/beermat board square is carefully inserted into the completed sleeve. The entire caboodle is then placed within a letterpress printed envelope, just in case.

All mechanised operations - printing, cutting and scoring are carried out using a 1965 Heidelberg platen press. Everything else is done by hand.

Obviously, Six Inch Records is an "art project" and not a label proper. It’s also not-for-profit. Which means, you should help support it.

Vagrant Records is a mixed bag. It’s home to quite a few bands born out of the early 2000s emo-boom like Thrice, Senses Fail, and Saves the Day. But it’s also the label of indie successes like The Hold Steady and Murder by Death. So, the addition of St. Louis’s So Many Dynamos to Vagrant’s roster isn’t that surprising: the band’s spazzy rock sound is punky enough to fuel a noisy high school party, but thoughtful enough to follow you to college.

So Many Dynamos bring the big news of their new Vagrant home at a convenient time, as they are also able to spread word about their forthcoming LP. On April 7, the band will be releasing their third full-length album, The Loud Wars. The foursome worked on the album with Chris Walla of Death Cab fame and are currently making their rounds with Syracuse’s Ra Ra Riot.

Remaining dates:

12.10.08 - Newport, KY.08 - Southgate House 12.11.08 - Louisville, KY.08 - 930 Listening Room 12.12.08 - Nashville, TN.08 - Exit/In 12.13.08 - Athens, GA.08 - 40 Watt 12.14.08 - Asheville, NC.08 - The Grey Eagle 12.16.08 - Baltimore, MD.08 - Ottobar

You think Radiohead or David Byrne or Trent Reznor or Girl Talk had unique distribution models? Well, Scottish outfit Idlewild are taking distribution to new heights with the announcement that fans can now pre-order the band’s new album BEFORE IT IS EVEN RECORDED.

According to the album’s website, the group is offering a chance to buy (for £15, or about $22) a limited-edition CD and free download of the to-be-recorded album, plus at least one bonus track, which will all come within weeks of the LP’s completion. The album will be the band’s sixth, following 2007’s Make Another World (Sanctuary Records).

Your £15 also gets you:

 15 download tracks of your choosing from live recordings of the band’s series of "album by album" shows (where the band plays an entire album each night for five nights) in Glasgow this December
 your name in an album booklet and on a roll-call on the website, and
 exclusive access to a members-only area of the Idlewild website.

If you are wondering who is going to buy into this, then you probably don’t live in the United Kingdom. Since forming in late 1995, Idlewild have had much success across the pond, placing 17 singles on the UK Singles Chart, with 4 of them reaching the Top 20. Meanwhile, American fans keep confusing the band with "that Outkast movie [they] heard was shitty."

The group is hoping, not guaranteeing, that the record will be available for consumption in April, although they do say with more certainty, and generality, that it will be "way before any general release," which would likely occur some time in the summer of next year.

Tourdates:

12.13.08 - Fife, GB - St. Andrews Students Union 12.17.08 - Glasgow, GB - King Tuts Wah Wah Hut@ 12.18.08 - Glasgow, GB - King Tuts Wah Wah Hut# 12.19.08 - Glasgow, GB - King Tuts Wah Wah Hut% 12.20.08 - Glasgow, GB - King Tuts Wah Wah Hut^ 12.21.08 - Glasgow, GB - King Tuts Wah Wah Hut& 12.31.08 - Glasgow, GB - George Square

@ - playing Hope Is Important & more
# - playing 100 Broken Windows
% - playing The Remote Part
^ - playing Warnings/Promises & acoustic set
& - playing Captain & Make Another World

Akron/Family have left their home at Young God to sign with Dead Oceans. The label will release the group’s fourth, currently untitled album in April 2009, which will act as both their follow-up to Love Is Simple (TMT Review) and their first recording as a three-piece (like Green Day!). Recording began in Farham, Quebec back in early October.

"There were other record labels that we liked, but Dead Oceans/Secretly Canadian/Jagjaguwar was our number one first choice," Miles Seaton tells Billboard. "It was really exciting that they were interested in us."

He goes on to explain more about the new record:

I wouldn’t say out of the box we sound like a whole new band, but there’s a couple of extreme elements on this record. There’s one track that emphasizes our fondness for extreme noise and painful, almost guttural sounds — raw, primal noise. We’ve alluded to those things, but I think there are a few moments that are mashing all those sounds together, into hopefully, one seven-minute prog masterpiece.

Dead Oceans also signed These Are Powers and White Hinterland earlier this year. I have yet to get a deal.

12.28.08 - Boston, MA - TT the Bears 12.29.08 - Burlington, VT - Higher Ground 12.31.08 - New York, NY - The Knitting Factory

Presidential Briefing – December 8, 2008

Welcome to the new war on drugs, Mr. President. Please meet our secret weapon, Avey Tare.

That’s right, Mr. President. In cooperation with the UN, the special international task force code-named “Animal Collective” has announced plans to initiate its latest offensive in the ongoing battle against drug-abuse among the prime demographic (music listeners) under the cover generated by its highly-anticipated decoy album Merriweather Post Pavilion, which hits stores January 20 of 2009. With the drug-addled youth thus districted, Avey, Panda, and Geologist (more code names, sir) will undertake a cunning plan to diffuse the necessity of hallucinogenic drug abuse while listening to an Animal Collective record by (and my God Almighty have mercy on them if they should fail) supplying their OWN psychotropic visuals with their next dose of, er... of what the military calls “youth music.”

Agent Dave Portner (Avey Tare) describes the project as a “visual record” that he hopes will deter and/or discourage his listeners from indulging in the illegal ingestion of illicit hallucinogenic substances. “The lines were really blurry when we started," Agent Porter stated in a recently staged press conference, already speaking in character. "It was going to be a film, like a feature film, but by no means a narrative. It’s more collaborative, between us and our friend Danny Perez, who did one of our music videos."

Portner went on to insinuate that Perez has been working on the visuals for the as-yet-untitled project for more than two years, so as to buildup the expectation of the target demographic audience, and that the “band” will be providing the accompanying music. "This year, we got to a place where we can start doing demos and nailing all the sounds down, while we’re at home," Agent Portner explained skillfully, sounding every bit as much like a “popular musician” (such as Brandon Flowers or fellow government agent “Rockwell”) as officials present at the conference could have hoped. “It’s something new for all of us,” he concluded. “It’s been a work-as-we-go process.” Our research shows that drug users respond positively to this kind of casual slang and lack of concrete release dates or album titles, and we are hopeful that the as-of-yet untitled “visual record” project will finally put an end to this epidemic of music-related drug use.

Meanwhile, as a distractionary measure, Project “Animal Collective” will “take to the road” in January around the launch of Merriweather Post Pavilion, via our partners at Domino. After seven European dates, the band will play New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles on January 20, 22, and 23, respectively. We’ve got those fiends on the ropes this time, Mr. President. I can feel it.

Project “Animal Collective” Dates (Declassified):

11.09.08 - Buenos Aires, Argentina - La Trastienda 11.13.08 - Lima, Peru - Centro Fundación Telefónica 01.12.09 - London, England - Koko 01.13.09 - Glasgow, Scotland - Glasgow School of Arts 01.14.09 - Manchester, England - Club Academy 01.15.09 - Brighton, England - Concorde 2 01.16.09 - Paris, France - Bataclan 01.17.09 - Leuven, Belgium - Stuk 01.18.09 - Berlin, Germany - Postbanhof 01.20.09 - New York, NY - Grand Ballroom 01.22.09 - Chicago, IL - Metro 01.23.09 - Los Angeles, CA – Fonda