I could give you the blabber on Rollins’ past and future endeavors (Black Flag, his TV show, other things I have no idea about), but that’s all better served by his website, 21361.com. Instead, what I want to talk about is Wrong Turn 2: Dead End, the straight-to-video horror sequel released this year starring Henry as retired Marine colonel Dale Murphy. At first look, the film has all the makings of a bland, formulaic, shock-gore throwaway flick. But with Henry Rollins in the credits, you might wonder if the trunk-necked pontificator is able to save the sequel from its seemingly preordained bargain-bin destiny.

While the film’s thoroughly disfigured inbred hillbillies — its own West Virginia-inspired Texas Chain Sawers — hit a bit harder than Black Flag fans circa 1984, unfortunately no amount of intestine splatter, no number of mutant makeout sessions, nor even an electronic music-hating 46-year-old could make the film any closer to being watchable. TMT wholeheartedly backs the advice of YouTube user pecker213323, who recently commented on the film’s trailer by asking, "are there any boobies in this? I’m not gonna bother watching this shitty movie unless a fine ass chick gets naked. (sic)" That would be a "don’t even bother," Mr. Pecker.

With that out of the way, I imagine this Rollins tour, Provoked: An Evening of Quintessentially American Opinionated Editorializing and Storytelling, will be essentially the same spoken word act he’s been doing for decades. You know what you’re getting into: a opinionated, rambling dude with a butt chin and a neck leathery enough to sharpen razors on.

Tourdates:

01.14.08 - Gothenburg, SWE – Lorensbergsteatern 01.15.08 - Stockholm, SWE – Rival 01.16.08 - Munich, GER – Muffathalle 01.17.08 - Zurich, SWI – Kaufleuten 01.19.08 - Frankfurt, GER – Mousonturm 01.20.08 - Hamburg, GER - Deutsches Schauspielhaus 01.21.08 - Berlin, GER – Passionskirche 01.22.08 - Cologne, GER – Gloria 01.23.08 - Amsterdam, NET – Paradiso 01.24.08 - Brussels, BEL - Ancienne Belgique 01.26.08 - London, UK - Carling Apollo Hammersmith 01.27.08 - Bristol, UK - Colston Hall 01.28.08 - Wolverhampton, UK - Wulfrun Hall 01.29.08 - Dublin, IRE - Vicar Street 01.30.08 - Manchester, UK - Manchester Academy 01.31.08 - Newcastle, UK - Carling Academy Newcastle 02.02.08 - Aberdeen, UK - Music Hall 02.03.08 - Glasgow, UK - Theatre Royal 02.19.08 - Birmingham, AL - First Avenue 02.20.08 - Chattanooga, TN - University Of Tennessee 02.21.08 - Raleigh, NC - Lincoln Theatre 02.22.08 - Asheville, NC - Orange Peel 02.23.08 - Athens, GA - 40 Watt Club 02.24.08 - Knoxville, TN - Bijou Theatre 02.26.08 - Baltimore, MD – Sonar 02.27.08 - Brooklyn, NY – Warsaw 02.28.08 - Brooklyn, NY – Warsaw 02.29.08 - Atlantic City, NJ - House Of Blues 03.01.08 - Providence, RI - Lupo’s Heartbreak Hotel 03.02.08 - Montreal, QC - Le National 03.03.08 – Kitchener, ON – Gig Theater 03.04.08 - Rochester, NY - Harro East Ballroom 03.05.08 - Pittsburgh, PA - Rex Theatre 03.06.08 - Indianapolis, IN - Murat Egyptian Room 03.08.08 - Memphis, TN - New Daisy Theatre 03.11.08 - Tulsa, OK - Cain’s Ballroom 03.12.08 - Lincoln, NE - Rococo Theatre 03.13.08 - West Des Moines, IA - Val Air Ballroom 03.14.08 - Sioux Falls, SD - Orpheum Theater 03.15.08 - Fargo, ND - Playmaker’s Entertainment Complex 03.16.08 – Winnipeg, MB – Burton Cummings Theater 03.17.08 – Saskatoon, SK – Odeon Events Center 03.18.08 – Regina, SK - Conexus Arts Centre Convention Hall