Announcer: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Spoon’s spring victory lap U.S. tour announcement, in what promises to be another big success for the popular Austin, TX indie rock quartet. Bob, if you pan the camera over to the track, you’ll see the members of Spoon lining up for the race. Now, the question remains, which one of them is going to get to the finish line to announce the tour first?

[A gunshot sounds.]

Announcer: And they’re off! Rounding the corner, we see Spoon drummer Jim Eno, followed by singer/guitarist Britt Daniel, keyboardist/guitarist Eric Harvey, and bassist Rob Pope taking up the rear. Eno jumps his first hurdle, now his second. Daniel sprints to catch up to him as Harvey falls in stride with Pope. But wait — now it looks like Daniel and Eno are neck and neck as they approach the finish line. Daniel’s cheeks are red and he’s breathing heavy as he tries to pass Eno, but it looks like — wait... wait... and Eno’s got this one in the bag, folks!

[Jim Eno, exhausted and breathless, pumps his fists triumphantly and steps up the podium.]

Eno: Since I won the victory lap U.S. tour race, I suppose it’s only fair that I get to announce our upcoming April tourdates. So here they are:

04.02.08 - Kansas City, KS - Uptown *# 04.04.08 - Chicago, IL - Vic Theatre *# 04.05.08 - Cincinnati, OH - Bogarts *# 04.06.08 - Detroit, MI - Emerald Theater *# 04.07.08 - Pittsburgh, PA - Carnegie Music Hall *# 04.09.08 - New York, NY - Terminal 5 04.10.08 - Philadelphia, PA - Electric Factory * 04.12.08 - Norfolk, VA - Norva *# 04.14.08 - Atlanta, GA - Centerstage *# 04.16.08 - Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Revolution *# 04.18.08 - Nashville, TN - Vanderbilt University (Rites of Spring) 04.19.08 - Indianapolis, IN - Vogue

* The Walkmen
# White Rabbits

Announcer: But wait, what is this? It’s frontman, Britt Daniel, staggering over to the podium.

Daniel: Sorry, Jim, but I’m the frontman of this band and I refuse to lose. That’s why I’m going to one-up your tour announcement with an EP announcement. Now, folks, we do indeed have a new EP coming out April 8 on Merge Records. It’s called Don’t You Evah and the tracklisting is as follows:

1. Don’t You Evah 2. All I Got Is Me 3. Don’t You Evah (Ted Leo’s I Want It Hotter Remix) 4. Don’t You Evah (Diplo Mix) 5. Don’t You Evah (Matthew Dear Mix) 6. Don’t You Evah (DJ Amaze & Alan Astor Mix) 7. Don’t You Evah (Doc Delay Fixerupper Mix) 8. Don’t You Ever (The Natural History version)

Oh, and Eno should’ve mentioned these dates, too:

02.23.08 - Lisbon, Portugal - Aula Magna
02.25.08 - London, England - Scala

Eno: But, Britt, that’s not fair...

Daniel: Oh come on, Jim. When people think Spoon, we all know a picture of my beautiful mug pops into their heads anyway. I may not have won this race fair and square, but you know I’m going to come out on top regardless.

Announcer: Uhh, well that’s all the time we have today! Join us next week for our steel cage death match featuring the editors of Tiny Mix Tapes versus all the bands they’ve snubbed. Word has it that The Rapture are bringing brass knuckles.