I know you readers think everything is a fucking joke, but recently my cousin Dunny died over the weekend from too much sun (a.k.a. he melted). Dunny was a huge music fan, and he particularly enjoyed of Montreal. Last time I saw him at one of our Pokémon card-trading events, he was listening to of Montreal’s latest, Aureate Gloom, on his Disc Man, and he mentioned how he wanted to see them on tour. I laughed at him, told him, “They’ll never tour again, idiot,” and slammed his testicles with a hammer. Two days later, Dunny is boiled down to nothing but liquefied skin and bones.
At Dunny’s funeral, the newest of Montreal live album, Snare Lustrous Doomings, was playing, and it was an open casket. Just a gross bucket of goo. Bored as hell, I got out of there, and I went down by Fuck Lake, where Dunny and I used to go to eat bugs. I skipped a stone into the lake as a tear ran down my cheek, and I heard a whisper in the wind: “They will tour… this fall.” I looked down at the ripple in the water. A tour date was spelled out. I then threw 46 stones in the lake to reveal all the dates. Although several baby ducks died, Dunny’s memory lives on through the follow tour dates:
08.21.15 - Greensboro, NC - The Blind Tiger *
08.22.15 - Frederick, MD - Flying Dog Brewery *
08.23.15 - Asbury Park, NJ - Asbury Lanes *
08.24.15 - Norfolk, VA - Work Release *
08.25.15 - Raleigh, NC - Lincoln Theatre *
09.02.15 - Oxford, MS - The Lyric ^
09.03.15 - Shreveport, LA - Bears on Fairfield ^
09.04.15 - Houston, TX - Walter’s Downtown ^
09.05.15 - Utopia, TX - UTOPIAfest
09.06.15 - Ft. Worth, TX - Shipping and Receiving ^
09.07.15 - Little Rock, AR - Revolution Music Room ^
09.08.15 - Columbia, MO - The Blue Note ^
09.09.15 - Champaign, IL - The Highdive ^
09.10.15 - Chicago, IL - Lincoln Hall ^
09.11.15 - Grand Rapids, MI - Pyramid Scheme ^
09.12.15 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre ^
09.13.15 - Columbus, OH - Park Street Saloon ^
09.14.15 - Buffalo, NY - Asbury Hall at Babeville ^
09.15.15 - Ithaca, NY - The Haunt ^
09.16.15 - Portland, ME - Port City Music Hall ^
09.17.15 - Providence, RI - Columbus Theatre ^
09.18.15 - Brooklyn, NY - Music Hall of Williamsburg ^
09.19.15 - Charlottesville, VA - The Jefferson Theatre ^
09.20.15 - Asheville, NC - The Grey Eagle ^
10.21.15 - Nashville, TN - Mercy Lounge #
10.22.15 - Indianapolis, IN - Deluxe - Old National Centre #
10.23.15 - Kalamazoo, MI - Bell’s Eccentric Café #
10.24.15 - Des Moines, IA – Woolies #
10.25.15 - Madison, WI - Majestic Theatre #
10.26.15 - Omaha, NE - The Waiting Room #
10.27.15 - Kansas City, MO - Record Bar #
10.28.15 - Denver, CO - The Bluebird #
10.29.15 - Billings, MT - Pub Station #
10.30.15 - Missoula, MT - Stage 112 #
10.31.15 - Seattle, WA - Neptune #
11.01.15 - Portland, OR - Wonder Ballroom #
11.02.15 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall #
11.03.15 - Santa Cruz, CA - The Catalyst #
11.04.15 - Los Angeles, CA - The Regent #
11.05.15 - San Diego, CA - Irenic #
11.06.15 - Phoenix, AZ - The Crescent #
11.07.15 - Tucson, AZ - Night of the Living Fest @ La Cocina
11.08.15 - El Paso, TX - Tricky Falls #
11.09.15 - San Antonio, TX - Paper Tiger #
11.10.15 - Austin, TX - Mohawk #
11.11.15 - New Orleans, LA - The Howlin’ Wolf #
* w/ Mothers
^ w/ Surface to Air Missive
# w/ Diane Coffee
• of Montreal: http://www.ofmontreal.net
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