SoundCloud snags Warner Music Group’s support for planned subscription service, or maybe just Wayne Coyne’s?

Hey tech guy, I know that you have been paying hyper-close-uber-attention to this whole situation every day of your life for the past several months, and I’m sorry to insult your self-coined “tech-telligence” like this; but if you’ll just allow me one little paragraph to get all these Froot Loops-eating philistines up to speed on the ongoing struggles “user-created audio streaming platform” SoundCloud has been facing in 2014, I’ll totally buy you a Beanie Baby. Thanks so much! XXX.

Anyway, yeah; so for all you jocks and theater kids out there, you might not know that SoundCloud has been a-strugglin’ for survival for the last little while, which they tried to rectify (that means “fix”) by partnering with major record labels to add stuff like ads, artist payments, and some subscription service-type shit to their repertoire. But then shit kinda stalled last month when, you know, shit kinda stalled. Yeah. Basically, Bummer City, USA; population: Venture Capitalism and destitute dormroom DJs the world over.

Sweet. Now that we’re all up to speed, here’s where shit really takes off! According to TechCrunch, SoundCloud is ! You know, like Jurassic Park was after whats-her-name turned the power back on… but BEFORE those raptors attacked her one second after that! The service announced yesterday that they’ve secured a licensing deal with Warner Music Group centered around its “ad-supported, creator partner program, On SoundCloud that was launched in August, as well as a paid subscription streaming service that will launch in the first half of 2015” that will supposedly help artists earn revenue from “user-generated mixes and mash-ups.”

Ca-ching! Yeah! Mash-ups! Bingo! Dino DNA! “We’re thrilled that Warner Music Group will be the first major label to join our new creator partner program,” SoundCloud’s founder & CEO Alexander Ljung said. “We expect to generate significant revenue for Warner and its artists in the months and years ahead as we roll out an ad-supported offering and subscription service that delivers real value to the industry.” That means money, folks. ASSTONS of it. All of our troubles are over. This recession is officially lifted, and the music industry is once again stable and has a credit rating of fucking AAA. Etc.!

Oh, wait. The terms of the deal? Well… as far as I can tell, there aren’t really many specifics… but I did notice a nice a nice generic little swath of copy about some “new commercial and promotional possibilities for WMG’s roster of established and emerging recording artists as well as songwriters signed to WMG’s music publishing arm, Warner/Chappell Music.” And, basically, we can expect that the Warner folks and their artists will come to exude a little better control over the way their content is used on the platform. I mean, what more do you WANT? Surprise-raptors?! Give ‘em a second. They’re texting to coordinate the meetup.

• SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com
• Warner Music Group: http://www.wmg.com