It started a couple of months ago, I guess. Peeping Tom called and asked if I fancied going out for a few beers. I knew that he hung out with Gnarls Barkley, and I had a bit of a thing for Gnarls at the time, so I thought, what the hell. I arrived at the bar, and Justin was already there, chatting with Gnarls. We chatted, got along fine, but it became pretty clear pretty quickly that nothing was happening. This was Gnarls Barkley, with a gajillion platinum records under her belt, and here's me, lowly lil' nunpuncher, with his busted Superstars and unfashionable haircut. Talk all you like about feelings and being genuine, but a girl's gotta have standards, and I fell short. Hey, it's cool. It happens.
Anyway, that's when Red Hot Chili Peppers came over. I had heard of him, although we didn't really move in the same circles. He struck me as a bit loudmouthed, a bit sure of himself, but apparently he's bloody rich, so fair play to him. Gnarls certainly took a shine to him. Laughed like a train when he made some dumb joke about French people. In the end, I got drunk and depressed, so I pretended I had work in the morning and left.
So, that was then and this is now. I can't say I've changed my opinion a lot about Red, but he seems to make Gnarls happy, and that's something, at least. Me, I ended up hooking up with some unsigned band from Coventry. Pleasant enough, but, like, I don't know if it's going to last. I still see Gnarls around quite a lot, although she's busy preparing the deluxe version of her debut album. It's limited edition, with a DVD, a 92-page booklet, four music videos and some new songs. She's getting it all ready for November 7. It's cool, we're friends now. But it all seems to have got pretty serious pretty quick for her and Red. She says that he invited her on a tour. Oh so very romantic. They're gonna play all over the USA, although they haven't decided where yet. You can imagine, though — nothing but the biggest, finest stadiums for good ol' Red. Ah well. I can't say I'm not jealous, but good luck to them.