J. Mascis, the guitarist and vocalist of D Jr., sits down to interview my friend, Pete Lansinger:
So, are you excited about our new album?
I don’t know about it, I’ve never listened to your music.
What about the prospect of seeing us with our original lineup?
Well, I think it’s fantastic. Shalom in the home!
That’s one opinion.
Well it certainly is. [Pete becomes distracted by Miami Ink and yells: Stickin’ it on! And proceeds to play air guitar. Then tells me the girl tattoo artist is annoying.]
Anyway, not that I think this, but someone told me our song in Blind’s Video Days is the most fitting song for a skate video. You dig that?
[Pete ignores my question and removes a pipe from his mouth and blows a huge plume of smoke into my face. He then gets up laughing and leaves. ]
I watch Miami Ink for 15 minutes. A lady has a Cheshire cat covered up with a coy fish. Tommy Lee has coy fish -- fucking symbolism. The female artist (the one Pete says is annoying) goes to a psychic with her husband. They live on separate coasts, and the insanely proficient psychic says the couple will split up within the year. Whatever.
Pete returns with a kid named Matt. Oh fuck, some chick just used the word empowering. Matt, the latest arrival passes out on the floor. Pete informs me he has taken too many mushrooms. I remember those days. Pshaw.
Best Massachusetts band ever: Aerosmith, Pixies, or us, Dinosaur Jr.
I don’t know about the best; my favorite out of those three would be Pixies. Matt, shut up. You’re not involved with this.
So, you think they’re better than us?
So? [Matt tries to argue for something, but he instead keeps saying “dangerous,” over and over again. After two minutes of this, we think he has fallen asleep. This interview proves itself fruitless so I move on to the TMT writer’s girlfriend, Grace Rex.]
Grace, what are you looking for in the new Dinosaur Jr. album?
What am I looking for? What if I don’t know a lot about Dinosaur Jr.? Do you want me to lie? I’m looking for [looks puzzled and furrows her brow] some good lyrics and strong beats. High production value, yeah. [She looks proud of that last quip.]
You are aware this is the first time we’ve all been together since 1988’s Bug?
You are talking about Dinosaur Jr.? No I didn’t know that. I guess that makes this a big deal, huh? So you guys are like one of those old alternative bands aren’t you? Cute. [She proceeds to get out a Kerouac book, and I don’t think this interview is going to get any better.]
We had several titles for the forthcoming album (due out in May!), as most bands do, but decided on Beyond. What do you think of that title?
Beyond? Um, what does that mean? Beyond? [She leaves the room to answer the door and keeps asking, “Beyond? Beyond what? What does that even mean...”]
Interview over.