On March 3, Scottish voters went to the poles and gave the proverbial middle finger to their colonial masters in London. With 95 of 127 seats reporting, The Scottish National Party looks poised to take control of the region's legislature, and in doing so, will set the groundwork for the secession of the nation from British rule, more than 50 years after the collapse of the empire upon which the sun never sets. In anticipation of the eventual separation of the nation from those wankers in England, SNP party leader Alex Salmond has appointed James Graham Foreign Affair cabinet minister and has commissioned his band The Twilight Sad to engage in a diplomatic tour to promote increased ties with France and to smooth over the contentious relationship between the soon-to-be-independent Scottish nation and England.
It is expected that the band will be greeted as liberators in Glasgow and as proponents of freedom in France; however, just how exactly the group will be received in England is unknown. With the English music community notoriously divided, there are fears that the presence of FatCat's droan popers will reunite sectarian violence in Brighton that has remained stable since its last explosion in 1973 during the battle of Quadrophenia. Despite the band's claims to be non-violent diplomats, leaked MI6 memos insinuate that their intentions may be more dubious than previously suspected. In recently declassified documents, it appears the Twilight Sad Liberation Army (TSLA) had previously been labeled by the Scotland Yard as a criminal organization whose anti-colonial activities have ties to international terrorism.
Gillo Pontecorvo has been commissioned to produce the bands upcoming DVD, with the tentative title, The Battle of Alba.
When reached for comments about their potential ties to the Scottish Separatist movement and anti-colonial terrorism, The Twilight Sad said I was full of shite.
You can protest in support or hatred of freedom and The Twilight Sad's LP Fourteen Autumns & Fifteen Winters at these locations. Green zones will be in effect:
05.05.2007 - Glasgow, Scotland - Classic Grand with My Latest Novel
05.07.2007 - Paris, France - Fleche D'or
05.09.2007 - London, England - Luminaire with Cougar
05.10.2007 - London, England - Club Fandango
05.11.2007 - London, England - Windmill with Lord Barringtone
05.13.2007 - Glasgow, Scotland - Classic Grand
05.19.2007 - Brighton, England - Ocean Rooms with Rabbits/Rank Deluxe
05.20.2007 - Glasgow, Scotland - Mono (instore)