Hey moms, you look hot.
I mean that literally. You’re overheated. Tie that functional corduroy shirt around your waist, stay awhile. Wow! It’s as if you were meant to be in those cushiony clogs. Dancing in anything feminine gives you blisters.
If I may, Ms. Mom, take you down memory lane to the day you had the sincere privilege of dancing your heart out, and then consummating your love in a... little red Corvette (or Ford, for the less... fast) to the sweet sounds of the artist formerly known as, well, the artist formerly known as Prince.
Yes, it’s with a healthy commitment to sweeping generalizations that I categorize perhaps the most relevant modern pop artist-turned-symbol-turned artist (again) as comfort food to be snacked on by the masses of practical shoe-wearing, lunch-packing, dancing at "functions" with their thumbs up, formerly cool, and now station wagon-chauffeuring moms. It is with zero empirical evidence and purely personal anecdote that this holds true, given that:
(1) My mom doesn’t really like anything and –(2) (a) My mom loves Prince and frequently cites him as “larger than life” (a tagline with vague origins);
(b) Prince will be touring London, and it puts pep in the step of my mom’s practical shoes.
Seriously, Prince is a most appropriate musical outlet for moms trapped in their role as, well, moms. He’s rebellious enough, and any respectable lady can still blast “Purple Rain” guilt-free in her Volvo wagon without prompting gossip. Most importantly, though, both Mom and Prince find some definition in what they were... formerly known as. Connection formed.
Absurd generalizing aside, Prince recently announced a plan to play 21 shows throughout London in support of his most recent release, 3121 (Universal), aptly priced at £31.21 ($62). And according to the ex-symbol, these performances on The Earth Tour, beginning August 1, are the only 2007 European tour dates, since he will be spending considerable time studying the Bible like any good Jehovah.
What are you waiting for, moms, Prince fans, moms that are Prince fans? Tickets go on sale May 11, and your purchase guarantees a free copy of 3121.
Things haven’t been that accessible since your hemline was shorter, and, well, need I bring up that time in the red Corvette?