There really isn't much that I can say about President Bush's favorite actor Sir Chuck Norris that hasn't been said already. I'm not the kind of person that gets their laughs from an absurd Chuck Norris fact generator. "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever." That was funny before my mom had cancer. It's that kind of in-your-face Norris-fever political agenda that has been going too far lately.
Now, I am the kind of person who likes to get a good chuckle or two from watching Fox News. It took me at least more than 15 minutes to realize that it was in fact Chuck Norris that was taking the place of Sean Hannity on the scrotum rockin' hit program Hannity & Colmes. Hannity and Colmes has always been my favorite duo since Hitler and Himmler, so I was shocked to see the well-groomed, faux-karate master corresponding as a talking head.
During this gig, Norris got a chance to talk to Iraqi-American rapper TIMZ, who was also promoting his anti-war single "Iraq" that is on the album Open For Business. You can watch the interview here (but you probably would rather watch this).
TIMZ admits that he feels Iraq was safer with Saddam's reign of terror than with Bush's reign of terror. Oops! Wrong answer TIMZ! Because the best conservative refute that Norris can deliver is his famous blank gaze into the soul of "human beings." This wasn't exactly good publicity for TIMZ. Let's face it. I'm onto Norris' pranks. I think he even drop-kicked that jello puss Colmes into Greta Van Susteren's face. Ironically, Greta can now move her fucking mouth up and down like a normal person.
Mr. Norris, you're not funny. There is no such thing as 50 years of fame for you, so please stop making cameos in movies like Dodgeball, and please stop talking about religion and politics. You are not a comedian Chuck, and you're ruining the credibility of Fox News. Also you are no comedian either, Dane Cook. And I'll admit that I am no comedian either, but I'll let you know who a real comedian was -- SADDAM!
Why Saddam Was Way Funnier Than Dane Cook (And Even Chuck Norris)By TMT heartthrob Emceegreg
I mean, Saddam had some funnier jokes when it came down to it. I'd go to Saddam when I wanted to hear a good priest 'n' rabbi-walk-into-a-bar joke, but if I ever wanted to hear someone go on and on about how much they like eating at Burger King...well then I could just go to fucking Burger King. I don't need your shit anymore Dane Cook. You remind me of that spastic ugly half-jock from high school who was deemed as popular just because he is outgoing and off-the-wall. You people are fucking idiots. Now Saddam! That shit was off the wall. Saddam didn't run around making fucking sound effects or screaming from his taint. He had a little more fucking class than that man. Sometimes Saddam's humor would be a mixture of Bill Hicks and Carrot Top, but it worked when he would channel Sam Kinison at his best. It was pure comedic genius, folks. Get off you goddamn lazy ass, put down your fucking BK quadruple stacker, turn off that fucking awful "Tourgasm" shit, and go rent a good fucking Saddam stand-up. Hell, Saddam was also awesome in many early '90s comedies like Weekend at Bernies 2 and Hot Shots: Part Deux. I recommend getting you life together by realizing a true comedian when he is hanging right in front of your face. Team Saddam FTW!