THE FORBES RICHEST MUSICIANS LIST:
Oh hey, revolutionary-reader-baby! Oh, wow, you smell fresh today. Like clean laundry, roses, and sunshine. Is Mom keeping bars of Dove in your undie drawer this season? Can you just hold on for two shakes of a lamb's tail, reader baby? I'm a little busy fashioning this battering ram.
Here's the deal, my soon-to-be fist-raising revolter. Recently, Forbes reported The Rolling Stones the richest band of the year, with profit margins from June 2006 to 2007 hitting $88 million. And apparently, their tour “Bigger Bang” earned a cool $437 million since 2005 -- the most cha-ching-bling-blingin’ tour in history.*
Which should say to you, oh independent-minded, soap-smelling beautifully free TMT reader, IT IS TIME TO FIGHT THE MAN. The Stones have been on top for too long, wearing monocles and lighting cigars with hundred dollar bills while scoffing at inner city school children, puppies, and homeless toddlers.
The time is now, baby. This is the moment our purpose is realized. I’m talking full-scale Robin Hood shit. Pulling the filthy bandana out from under Keithy’s sweaty-Stoner head. He’ll be crying puddles of eyeliner, and we’ll be spitting on his shirtless chest, riding into the sunset with bags of money on horseback to pursue truth.
Think of what $88 million could do for indie music. Like:
(1) Clear skin.
(2) Good hair.
(3) ...Sweet jams, and enough Dove soap for all indies great and small, reader baby. Maybe even Irish Spring. Or Safeguard. Axe body wash for ladies men. Lots and lots and lots of soap. And bubble baths. And Cuban cigars to smoke while in bubble baths.
I smell justice, and it is as sweet smelling as you, reader baby. Let’s share the wealth, shower the indies we love with $$$ love.
* Second only in attendance to any traveling Bill Cosby lecture