It may be Windows folks who keep exclaiming “to the cloud!” all over my TV when I’m trying to watch my beloved Phineas and Ferb on Disney Channel (oh, so what?), but I have a feeling that by the time they race their sweat-drenched asses over to that cloud, they’ll find a cool-as-a-cucumber Steve Jobs sipping a latte, listening to “Freddie Freeloader” and asking “where ya been?”
According to The Music Void, Apple is cracking the fiberoptic whip on major labels to have all of their shit (music licenses) in order for the re-launch of their cloudtastic MobileMe service in April. The plan, if you’ll allow me to please make up a few words that don’t exist to avoid plagiarism, is the eventual allowification of users to storify their music online and accessinate it any time from their mobiletastic devicinators.
Brilliant! Anyway, so yadda yadda yadda: Apple recently announced that a new, $1 billion data center is expected to open this spring in Maiden, North Carolina and prior reports have stated that we could expect a chance of clouds (HAHAHAHAHAHA) as early as June. Meanwhile, Apple has allegedly seal-ified the deal-ination with Warner Music Group and is currently goading the other big boys (EMI, Universal, Sony) to get on board by calling them “pussies” and whatnot.
And considering Apple accounts for some 70% of their digital revenue, the labels more or less don’t have a pot to piss in. “The reality is that, no matter what Jon Bon Jovi says, the record industry is Steve Jobs’ bitch,” The Music Void columnist Wayne Rosso says. “Jobs knows it and so does everyone else.” So yeah, if all goes according to plan, we might see this “locker” thingy in April, with a reported price tag of somewhere in the neighborhood of $20 a year, and with other companies presumably scrambling in Apple’s wake to launch their clouds. But at least now they will probably be able to cue up the Benny Hill theme music from Apple’s music locker while they scramble. Nice!
• Apple: http://www.apple.com