Hey! Stop paying attention to all of those holiday Apple ads and spicy cookie smells and invitations to slack off at work and all that stuff and LISTEN TO ME tell you about some intangible tech thing that’s happening.
Did that work? Is anyone here? Just you and me? Well fuck, I dunno. You might care about this sort of thing, right? So okay, here we go. As Hypebot reports, the newly redesigned and majorly upgraded “Next SoundCloud” officially launched yesterday (December 6, 2012, Gregorian Jesus Calendar), leaving behind its cozy, private beta-version shelter for the wide, cruel world of all ignorant “device” users at large. That’s right, DJ-ToWhomItMayConcern, it’s now the one and only platform for all SoundCloud users! And, oh shit, you’ll never guess what? This re-engineered platform shit “increases engagement more than 30% over the previous version,” allowing users to enjoy such impressive-sounding predicate nominatives as “reposts,” “updated mobile search,” and “UX updates on both iOS and Android.” So you’d better damn well enjoy them, whatever they mean! Oh. Wait. Shut up. Here’s what they mean:
— A new “Explore” page, improved search, related sounds suggestions, a “Continuous Play” feature, enhanced Facebook integration stuff, a feature called “Sets” that allows you curate sounds you like into one single waveform, reposts for more obnoxious sharing, and real-time notifications of all that obnoxious sharing.
Wow. Hey, are you still here? Arg. Probably not. Well, whatever. I’m late for my train to the airport anyway. Umm, here’s some last minute facts before I’m out the door for the year: SoundCloud creators now post 10+ hours of music and audio every single minute! Holy shit! Also, they now reach over 180 million people — 8% of the entire internet population — every single month! (Even December, maybe! So long, reader…)
• SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com