It’s news like this that makes breakfast at the Riboflavin family house unbearable. Serious, yesterday my lil’ sister’s all, “can I go see Sky Ferreira and Icona Pop?” And then grampa’s all, “who?” And then sister’s all, “I didn’t ask you grampa. Mom, dad, why does grampa live with us?” And then mom’s like, “who else is she playing with?” (And to be honest, I’m perfectly sure mom knows already.) Then sister Riboflavin takes this huge pause and mumbles out a “Miley Cyrus” that causes grampa to have another one of his old man convulsions before launching into some sort of tirade about “god-damn third wavers and your rap music and your pogo sticks,” and this is where I finally come in because my mouth is full of chewed Corn Pops and I laugh so hard that I spit it all over the table.
So then my sister’s all, “but I really just want to see Sky Ferreira!” To which she launches into a huge speech about every reason why she thinks Sky Ferreira is the greatest and deserves our consideration and attention, and this ends with her pulling Night Time, My Time out of her backpack in front of everyone, which causes my mother’s mouth to drop, and then my father reaches over his Honey Nut Cheerios and says, “I think I’m going to have to take that from you,” but then grampa slaps his hand out of the way and says, “you can’t be trusted, I’ll take that!” Meanwhile there’s still milk and cereal chunks all over the table and I’m trying to wipe it up with a dishrag, and I can’t get past grampa and my dad’s awkward slap fight…
Then my mom goes, “STOP.” We all look at her, and she gently reminds us that none of the Miley Cyrus tour dates have actually announced which shows are with who, so if may turn out that my sister will get stuck with Icona Pop instead of Sky Ferreira, to which my sister says, “is that a threat, or a curse?” Then, silence.
Whatever, here’s some six-day-old tour news.
Miley Cyrus tour dates, some of which will have Sky Ferreira and/or Icona Pop:
12.06.13 - Los Angeles, CA - Staples Center
12.10.13 - Saint Paul, MN - Xcel Energy Center
12.11.13 - Atlanta, GA - Philips Arena
12.13.13 - New York, NY - Madison Square Garden
12.14.13 - Boston, MA - TD Garden
12.16.13 - Washington, DC - Verizon Center
12.18.13 - Tampa, FL - Tampa Bay Times Forum
12.20.13 - Sunrise, FL - BB&T Center
02.14.14 - Vancouver, BC - Rogers Arena
02.16.14 - Tacoma, WA - Tacoma Dome
02.20.14 - Anaheim, CA - Honda Center
02.22.14 - Los Angeles, CA - Staples Center
02.24.14 - Oakland, CA - Oracle Arena
02.25.14 - San Jose, CA - SAP Center
02.27.14 - Phoenix, AZ - US Airways Center
03.01.14 - Las Vegas, NV - MGM Grand Garden Arena
03.04.14 - Denver, CO - Pepsi Center
03.06.14 - Omaha, NE - CenturyLink Center
03.07.14 - Rosemont, IL - Allstate Arena
03.09.14 - Milwaukee, WI - BMO Harris Bradley Center
03.10.14 - Saint Paul, MN - Xcel Energy Center
03.12.14 - Dallas, TX - American Airlines Center
03.13.14 - Tulsa, OK - BOK Center
03.15.14 - San Antonio, TX - AT&T Center
03.16.14 - Houston, TX - Toyota Center
03.18.14 - New Orleans, LA - New Orleans Arena
03.20.14 - Tampa, FL - Tampa Bay Times Forum
03.22.14 - Miami, FL - American Airlines Arena
03.24.14 - Orlando, FL - Amway Center
03.25.14 - Atlanta, GA - Philips Arena
03.29.14 - Montreal, QC - Bell Centre
03.31.14 - Toronto, ON - Air Canada Centre
04.02.14 - Boston, MA - TD Garden
04.03.14 - East Rutherford, NJ - IZOD Center
04.05.14 - Brooklyn, NY - Barclays Center
04.07.14 - Charlotte, NC - Time Warner Cable Arena
04.08.14 - Raleigh, NC - PNC Arena
04.10.14 - Washington, DC - Verizon Center
04.12.14 - Auburn Hills, MI - The Palace of Auburn Hills
04.13.14 - Columbus, OH - Schottenstein Center
04.15.14 - Kansas City, MO - Sprint Center
04.16.14 - St. Louis, MO - Scottrade Center
04.18.14 - Nashville, TN - Bridgestone Arena
04.19.14 - Louisville, KY - KFC YUM! Center
04.22.14 - Philadelphia, PA - Wells Fargo Center
04.24.14 - Uniondale, NY - Nassau Coliseum
• Sky Ferreira: http://skyferreira.tumblr.com
• Icona Pop: http://www.iconapop.com
• Miley Cyrus: http://www.mileycyrus.com