And lo, there was a long and steady rumble from the west, for the Mastodon had awakened from its wintry slumber. The deep thuds of distant footsteps put fear deep into the hearts of men and women alike. The rumble grew as the footsteps grew closer and harder. And then silence. For as it is known, the stomping of the Mastodon results in significant knee damage, particularly when the Mastodon neglects the stretching regimen recommended by its doctor and makes a habit of skipping exercise.
And thus it came to pass that the constituents of the Mastodon, the beastmen Troy Sanders, Brent Hinds, Bill Kelliher, and Brann Dailor, totally wrecked their knees trying to do the whole “stomp so hard mere mortals can hear you coming for miles” thing, and as such found themselves dearly in need of knee surgery. As it was written, the best way to raise the much-needed funds for four knee surgeries is to go on a spring tour. AND SO IT SHALL BE! Many voices may be heard to wonder, “How now shall these beastmen with their ruined knees dare to travel and perform upon such wounded appendages?” The answer will come forth from the clouds, loud and strong: “The beastmen will use Segways!” Accompanying Mastodon will be fellow terrifying stomping beasties on one way trips toward knee damage, Gojira and Kvelertak. Tickets are on sale now, and those that find themselves desirous of a preview might do worse than to check out Mastodon’s recent Live at Brixton release.
And then I looked, and lo, a second scroll unfurled. It contained but scant information, promising a rider on a white horse from the east bearing a follow-up to 2011’s The Hunter (TMT Review). It contained hints of work being done even now, though drawing soon to a close, in Nashville, Tennessee under the guidance of one Nick Raskulinecz. Beyond assurance that further details would be soon forthcoming, there was little. And then nothing. And then only darkness.
Dates:
04.28.14 - Seattle, WA - Showbox SoDo
04.29.14 - Portland, OR - Roseland Theater
05.01.14 - Oakland, CA - Fox Theater
05.02.14 - Los Angeles, CA - Nokia Theater
05.03.14 - Las Vegas, NV - House of Blues
05.04.14 - Salt Lake City, NV - Depot
05.05.14 - Denver, CO - Ogden Theater
05.07.14 - Minneapolis, MN - First Avenue
05.08.14 - Chicago, IL - The Riviera Theater
05.09.14 - Pittsburgh, PA - Stage AE
05.10.14 - Toronto, ON - The Sound Academy
05.12.14 - Buffalo, NY - The Town Ballroom
05.13.14 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
05.15.14 - New York, NY - Terminal 5
05.16.14 - Boston, MA - The Palladium
05.17.14 - Philadelphia, PA - Electric Factory
05.18.14 - Columbus, OH - Rock On The Range
• Mastodon: http://www.mastodonrocks.com
• Warner Brothers: http://www.warnerbrosrecords.com