Despite today’s 1-0 loss to Germany, the US men’s soccer team advances, finishing second in its World Cup group. But the nation is mourning anyway — at least Laurel Halo and Julia Holter are. The two musicians collaborated to turn the United States’ official jam, “The Star-Spangled Banner,” into a dirge. A dirge! More depressing information: the track is called “SCHADE,” which is German for “shame” and has a subtitle of “Asses Handed 2 US.”
NOW, I’VE HELD OFF ON WRITING ABOUT SOCCER FOR A DECADE — OR ABOUT THE LENGTH OF THE AVERAGE SOCCER GAME — SO AS NOT TO OFFEND ANYONE. BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. ANY GROWING INTEREST IN SOCCER CAN ONLY BE A SIGN OF THE NATION’S MORAL DECAY. IF MORE “AMERICANS” ARE WATCHING SOCCER TODAY, IT’S ONLY BECAUSE OF THE DEMOGRAPHIC SWITCH EFFECTED BY TEDDY KENNEDY’S 1965 IMMIGRATION LAW. I PROMISE YOU: NO AMERICAN WHOSE GREAT-GRANDFATHER WAS BORN HERE IS WATCHING SOCCER. ONE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT, IN ADDITION TO LEARNING ENGLISH, THESE NEW AMERICANS WILL DROP THEIR SOCCER FETISH WITH TIME.
#Obama watching #usa vs #germany #fifa2014 pic.twitter.com/kP8XZmPp1L
— Imran Hassan (@imranhworld) June 26, 2014
• Laurel Halo: http://www.laurelhalo.com
• Julia Holter: http://juliashammasholter.com