2006 was the year of the boner at TMT. What began as a silly joke quickly became our new rallying cry. Heck, the boners even got bigger after the redesign (and the ads), for readers and staff alike. In the spirit of boners, we decided to highlight some of the biggest boners of the year. So, just what is a boner, you ask? It varies, from bad decisions, to poor execution, to the just plain bizarre. So, strap yourself in, get some lubricant, and keep the tissues handy. You're gonna need it.
----
----
The Killers' Brandon Flowers
Frontman Brandon Flowers claimed that Sam's Town would be one of the best albums of the past 20 years. What he meant to say is that it took him 20 years to grow a tassie tickler.
Boner Rating:
----
The BBC
After 42 years of programming, “Top of the Pops” was brought to a sorrowful end this July. Granted, the show became a train-wreck, seeing more ill-conceived makeovers than Van Halen, but the loss of this television landmark could be felt all the way across the pond and then some. Plus, they never let Art Brut perform on the show. Lame.
Boner Rating:
----
Linda Kay
Okay, so you may have heard of New Jersey band Lifetime, but you may not have heard of Linda Kay, at least until she was arrested for hoarding body parts this year. The former Lifetime bassist had possession of a human hand in a jar of formaldehyde (which she supposedly called “Freddy”) and six human skulls. Little did the police know that the strip club she was working at paid her in the form of body parts.
Boner Rating:
----
The Office of National Drug Control Policy and the Partnership for a Drug-Free America
Seriously, this is the most brilliantly conceived anti-drug commercial yet. Yes, even more effective than the one where the little girl on the bike gets hit by the car. We've always wondered, why is the little girl allowed to ride her bike on a heavily trafficked road? Oh yeah, her parents must be stoned at a Dungen concert. It's a vicious cycle.
Boner Rating:
----
Rhett Miller/The Old 97's
Ain't nothin' wrong with baby back ribs. Heck, even singing the Chili's jingle in the shower is cool. But, for the whole world to hear? Not exactly the best way to stay relevant, guys. Probably a good way to get free baby back ribs, though. Spicealicious!
Boner Rating:
----
Spin Magazine
It's been said that loose lips sink ships. Speaking of loose lips, former Editor-In-Chief Andy Pemberton hired alt-porn star Joanna Angel as a sex columnist. She lasted just as long as he did; one issue.
Boner Rating:
----
CBS's “Love Monkey”
Tom Cavanagh (formerly of NBC's “ED”) as a record executive? What could possibly go wrong? In theory, “Love Monkey” sounded great, but the show quickly turned into a promotional hack for Sony Records and was cancelled within three episodes. C'mon CBS, don't underestimate your viewers. Hey look, another “CSI” spinoff!
Boner Rating:
----
Louisiana State Police
Busting Willie Nelson's tour bus for marijuana and psychedelic mushrooms is as easy a target as shooting quail on a closed course. Oh wait...
Boner Rating:
----
Victory Records/Hawthorne Heights
SO. MUCH. DRAMA. First a vaguely racist and certainly unethical e-mail comes out asking Hawthorne Heights fans to hide copies of Ne-Yo's new release so that the band could outsell the Def Jam artist on the Billboard charts. Then, Hawthorne Heights sues Victory head Tony Brummel, trying to get out of their record deal. Brummel then countersues Hawthorne Heights! For the record, Ne-Yo is still wondering who the fuck Hawthorne Heights are.
Boner Rating:
----
Yoko Ono's Chauffer
A late entrant into the boner battle royale, Ono's chauffer, Koral Karsan, supposedly threatened to reveal embarrassing photos and recordings of her, even have her killed, if she did not pay him two million dollars. Only later did we discover that Karsan's real name is Edgar Bronfman, Jr.
Boner Rating:
----
The RIAA
We can call this the everlasting boner award. Whether it's suing old ladies and children or thinking of ways to cut payments to artists, these folks are always looking out for the best interests of “their” intellectual property. Keep it up. Your boner, I mean.
Boner Rating: