BREAKING NEWS: the decaying strip mall on the corner of Stroop and Jefferson has hatched small rabid reptiles that have reportedly chewed on children.
HEADLINE: residents of Town Heights have been experiencing a shortage in water since the crop dusters have been spraying the local airborne vaccine.
WEATHER: molecular storm clouds in the northern hills have reportedly empowered plants and foliage to glow, and is spreading their light in rapid reproduction.
SPORTS: underground steroid ring busted for selling reused nuclear medical needles for per-sale doses to a triple-A hockey league.
ATTENTION: please avoid the sludge oozing from the Gienger Cemetery curb on Main and Hyatt; exposure effects may be possessive and can cause you and your family potential transformation and/or sneezing.
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