We’re running up on Thanksgiving which means finals are just around the corner! And if you’re lucky enough to be a sort-of-super senior you’re graduating right after that! Congrats! You don’t want fuck up your finals, though. You probably already did that once or twice since you didn’t walk in the spring, but who’s judging! Here’s a plan on what your post-gluttony, pre-finals dance should look like:
1. Find the library again – it’s cram season and every time you sit at your crumb-covered desk at home you get distracted. Avoid your roommates, video games, and sex ads at the large building located in the center of campus.
2. Find a good seat – it can’t be right next to a window because staring longingly outside at the free, fun-having kids can break a man. Find a desk in clear view of other students in order to obtain the feeling of being looked down upon by everyone else. Motivation and anxiety go hand and hand. And if you’re a break-down-and-cry-er: top floor as far from everyone as possible.
3. Uppers! – now that you’ve found a proper cram seat, it’s time to inhale any and every study drug you can get your hands on. Spare no expense. Your body will hate you, but your mom might not. Hit up your dealers now, because caffeine alone is child’s play. Ravage your stomach and destroy that paper.
Great! Now you’re ready to finally leave college and join the underpaid real world! Is it always sad? Pretty much, yeah! Cheer up, dude, you’re still alive. If worse comes to worst you can Marty McFly with 猫 シ Corp., waterfront dining, luxury elite, ローマンRoman, and the Class of ‘84.
More about: 猫 シ Corp.
