Disasters are inevitable and the world will go up in flames. The only way to survive is to slowly expose your body to intense heat, so when the sun supernovas you can swan dive the gaseous beast. Quick, go outside into direct sunlight, strip down, and roll around in baby oil. We need more. Tanning bed memberships aren’t hella pricey, grab a few and hold up in the ultraviolet light. We need more. Construct a box of mirrors the size of an average middle-class bedroom, leave the roof open, take it to the park and sizzle. We need more. Build a roof for the glass room using glue and twenty dollar magnifying glasses – shit ain’t cheap so we know they work. Cap the glass box with the ant killer roof, fry. We need more. Install speakers at every three-way corner joint and blast the latest release from Seattle’s Heat Records: Wristboi’s Restraint EP. Repeat until dead.
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