I think there's only one phrase that can sum up the year 2008: I just shit my pants.
That's how momentous a year it was. I lost control of my bowels. Constantly. If you read my year-end column at the end of ought-seven, you know that I moved across the country to work at a newspaper on the Beast Coast. And what a year to be on a copy desk; the news just kept coming, a frenzied feast of pre-election hooplah, disaster coverage, war drama, economy-/housing market-/oil-dominated stories, and, you know, the usual helping of torture legislation.
AND GUESS WHAT!?? I was rocking my fucking ass off during the whole SHIT-storm, as the 2008 release schedule had enough jackhammer intensity to match the influx of captivating, messy news bites. For every “Senator almost wins re-election after being convicted of multiple felonies” (GAAH!!!) headline, there was a slice of rock, or hip-hop, or whatever, that helped keep things on an even keel. The fact that I survived long enough to see the release of Chinese Democracy (which I refuse to discuss at this point) is in itself a sign that there are heady times afoot.
And there's more: Before 2008, I hadn't known what it was like to have a friend tell me a close relative had killed him/herself. Before 2008, I hadn't ever supported a family. And yes, before 2008, I likely had avoided feeling the true clamp of the world pressing down on my soul. And I think a lot of us feel that way. No matter who you are, you've probably seen a few of your friends laid off their jobs, and unless you're a rich motha, you've felt the pinch of eight years of Bush-dom by way of your wallet.
But I'll be damned if a few friggin' miracles haven't come along and made everything better, at least for a little while. A black man is running the U.S.-izz-A., and it's Christmastime! With that in mind, I have a few bullet points to thresh over in my mind and vomit out, and it goes a lil' somethin' like this:
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Good-eats-to-be in 2009
Sure, I know you're probably waiting for that other site to release its list of Albums To Look Forward To, and I don't blame you. Er, I mean, actually I do sort of blame you, because you're relying on a much-too-smug source for your album-anticipation needs. Me? I suggest you take the lead from the Gumshoe. Who needs a big, long, floppy-donkey-dick list when you can have the individual nuggets of goodness laid out before you with coherence, foresight, and, yes, aplomb?
That's right; nobody. Hey, I know you're barely over the 2008 stuff; I'm not completely done with '08 either (Have you heard the caUSE co-MOTION singles collection? Well it's INCENDIARY.). In any event check out my list of albums that CAN and MIGHT break shit in 2009, including a nice dose of longshots:
- Omar Rodriguez-Lopez - Old Money: Man, after years of buying O-Lo's stuff just to satisfy curiosity and getting maybe a 50/50 return in the process, it feels nothing short of orgasmic to hear his Stones Throw debut, to drop in late January, rage out of the gates the way it does. This is the quick-hitting prog I always wanted from The Mars Volta, and as soon as you feel Old Money between your fingers, you won't want to let go. Forget the collab with Damo Suzuki and the assorted soundtracks and such; ORL's solo dominance starts here, right here.
- WAVVES - WAVVES: I don't want to bark up your tree before the cat's outta the bag, but the new WAVVES LP on De Stijl is going to rule all kinds of ass-face next year -- not that I'm spoiling anything for the leak-sniffers out there. A discordant din reminiscent of Times New Viking, the messiest No Age jams, Religious Knives, and all manner of psychedelia, WAVVES fixes up whippits that'll make your brain go ‘bang.' ‘Bang-bang-bang.' And so forth. Look for it in February. Meanwhile, check out WAVVES' self-titled debut over at the Eureka! list.
- Raekwon - Only Built for Cuban Linx … part deux?: Ever since the Return of the Liquid Sword album came out, or should I say, came up limp, I've been trying to ignore the hype for the rumored sequel to Raekwon's impossibly good (seriously, I wager it's the best Wu-Tang-affiliated record save possibly Old Dirty's equally stunning debut; possibly) debut album. So what now? Well, I'd say hurry-up-and-wait normally, but this is supposed to hit shelves in March 200-nizzee. I can only hope the list of guest artists (which includes the very, very un-Cuban Linx-ish Travis Barker and a few other producers like Dr. Dre that I just don't see matching Rza's INTENSE production the first time around) won't lend to a choppy feel characteristic of so many modern rap albums.
- Grizzly Bear - (new full-length): Okay, so warp back to late 2006. Strange times, no? Well anyway, it was at this time that I, with the anticipatory zeal of a fortune teller, reserved every story/review/interview I could get that involved a certain Panda Bear character. Then, in March 2007, Person Pitch was released. I was not only correct but perhaps selling it short a bit. Suffice to say, it went on to become the Record of the Year for every online publication that matters (namely TMT). Now that I've spouted on about Panda Bear for a meaty 'graph, let me just say that the Gumshoe radar is getting a peak signal from the upcoming Grizzly Bear release. All the signs are there. Grizz' latest EP brought the gumption of a full-length to the table, and their first three LPs are, in the words of Michael J. Fox' mom in Back to the Future, “kinda cute ‘n' all, but... not...” quite as good they could have been. Throw in a well-received side project, Department Of Eagles, and you have yourself a bonanza of hopefully to-be-tapped potential. It all adds up to another Album of the Year. As an infamous co-worker would put it, “I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.”
- Dr. Dre - Detox: Wow. Let me see if I have this straight: Dr. Dre claims he doesn't “smoke weed or sella/ ‘Cause that'll give a nigga brain damage/ And brain damage on the mic don't manage.” Then, a half-decade-plus later, he releases The Chronic and talks about smoking sweet, sticky ganja in every goddamn song (‘cept maybe “Deez Nutz”... wait, nope, there's a reference in there). Then, he releases The Chronic II, which takes the weed propaganda down a notch while still urging listeners to, “smoke weed every day.” Now, coming full-circle, Dre's gonna release... Detox? Well, whether or not Dre smokes weed anymore or whether or not he did in the first place, I guess it's exciting that he finds it appropriate to spread hype about a new, much-rumored album, but I don't see it happening in 2009. Still, it doesn't hurt to... dream?
- The Kinks: Look, there aren't any specific plans in the offing and absolutely no tentative album title or anything of the SORT has been announced; really, all I have is a post or two on the Guardian's website and some chat-board scuttlebutt. But man, wouldn't it be something to see all five original Kinks, who are all alive, get back together? Especially considering the decent nature of Ray Davies' recent solo material and brother Dave having released a rare solo album on Koch, isn't it about time? It goes without saying that a new Kinks album would generate more excitement than new Stones or Who albums, so let's get on it before someone passes on, eh?
- My Bloody Valentine - ???: You really, truly thought this was happening? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (it's not) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. We'll see.
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Vinylly: Waxing appreciation
I'd be a fool if I argued that the bump in vinyl sales was a bad thing. It keeps a certain angle of culture alive, helps musicians recoup and thus-thus. But the enthusiasm for vinyl that has spiked over the least year does have its side effects. It's sort of like the eBay crossover effect. You remember eBay right? Well, once it became an internet force, it opened up new possibilities for records traders across the globe. But it also gave Mammy and Pappy Numbnuts a quick, easy resource for finding out how much their old records were worth, drowning garage-sale supplies and pushing up the price of vinyl.
Which relates to my initial point: vinyl's emergence has its downfalls. For one, not only do Mammy and Pappy Numbnuts know how much their old records are worth, they now also know that vinyl is sort of “going on.” I've seen signs of it everywhere, in the strangest of places. Antique stores I shop at that used to sell vinyl of decent-to-bad quality for $10 a BOX now sell vinyl of crappy-to-putrid quality for $1 per record. (It doesn't sound like a big increase, but you could fit a lot of fucking records in that box.) Used record stores are nearly impossible to find good buys on these days, because everyone everywhere is selling vinyl and everyone knows exactly how much everything is worth. Craziest of all, the really, really good records are starting to go for $35 if not $40, making a lot of record-shopping trips into heart-breaking reality plays. What happened to the days when you could go into a shop with $40-50 and walk out with four records?
It's also frustrating to watch even older formats die out with a vengeance. Why aren't old 78s the new toast of the town? They're cheap, they're everywhere, and there are old dudes everywhere (like the cat I met up here who owns around 30,000 sides) that will part with large piles of them. But it isn't to be; 78s have about as much a chance of coming back to prominence as Winger. It's a long road back...
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Words/phrases no longer fit for music reviews
Well folks, it's the end of the road for the following adjectives, phrases, and descriptors. No more using them in playfully long-winded reviews, starting January 1, 2009. SERIOUSLY!!
discordant
angular
sun-soaked/drenched
candy-coated
well-worn
buzzsaw (to describe guitars)
ethereal
throat-shredding growl
swirling synths
Jones
driving rhythm
refreshingly honest
a shimmering sea of _______
soundscape
“pays tribute to the past while looking to the future”
plaintive
“does his/her best _____ impression” (Dylan, Jagger, et al)
prodigious
haunting
self-styled
dense sonic thicket
honey-dipped
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God bless the vidiot summer
There was another ripe crop of video-game-soundtrack-inspired bands in 2008, chief among them Adventure, who got all squiggly and synth-y with a self-titled album, and DJ Scotch Egg, whose Load full-length was definitely more Colecovision than Nintendo.
But who are we kidding? Nintendo rules the vidiot roost. In celebration, here's a list of some memorable tunes from Nintendo cartridges, a hall of fame of game, if you will. And I know you will.
- Metroid (original): The obvious lead-off choice has to be Metroid, with all its unique, scene-setting compositions. A few bands have tackled Metroid Mountain already, including The Advantage, but something tells me there's more in store for these tunes. It's not Stockhausen, but there's an allure here few who played the game extensively can deny, as if the music were almost as big a part of the addiction process as the pixilated images themselves. Hmmmmm...
- Castlevania II - Simon's Quest: Another easy call; this half-action, half-role-playing game took the style of 'Vania I's jams and pushed the theme even further. Especially gratifying is the music of the sequence when you finally reach Dracula's lair. I obsessed over the melody for years, actually, only to have it debunked a tad when my mother played it by ear in a few seconds when I sounded it out for her. Still, cool melody.
- Strider (original): With heavy dollops of marching-snare and Mega Mannish synths, the Strider soundtrack was a ‘whoosh' back when a lot of video game backdrops just sorta waddled along. It upped the urgency of the game tenfold to hear such vibrant sounds and scores accompanying it and even playing, if I remember correctly, while you had the game Paused. So you could listen while you peed!
- Rygar: I can't imagine a lamer-sounding game. This is the work of true nerds, and that's why I love it. Big, bouncy melodies throughout, with lots of choppy shit that hearkens back to those rad learning games on the computer with the fluorescent dinosaurs. Or was that an acid trip? Either way, the Rygar soundtrack is a screen-splotch-er for sure.
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Anatomy of a wiener
The traits of a staunch modern CD reviewer (illustration by Carolina Purdum):
1. MP3 player, but not an iPod; the staunch reviewer knows about an MP3 player that's much cooler than what you have, and he'll probably be able to tell you why in 500 words or less.
2. Chapped fingers from handling dozens of press sheets everyday; additional chapping may occur due to gratuitous crumbling and tossing of said sheets.
3. Large carry-all for the stacks of dozens of CDs that came in the mail... today.
4. A swimming brain, full of so many sounds of varying quality you barely know what you like anymore. Strangely, you're almost too sure of what you don't like, to the point where peeps get offended.
5. The oh-so-predictable indie rock T-shirt: Breathe it in. Bonus points if the band name is super-strange and obscure-sounding; extra bonus points if the band name is super-strange and obscure-sounding and the band itself is rather laid-back (ex: Biography Of Ferns, Marshmallow Coast, Trembling Blue Stars).
6. A critical way of seeing the world is a must -- you don't see the point of experiencing something if you're not also going to evaluate it, whether in a casual or debate-style environment. Don't get it twisted though; you don't enjoy slamming a lukewarm donut-disc any more than you like to ground your daughter. It's more that you have a duty and must perform it no matter the backlash. When you don't feel critical anymore? Heaven awaits.
If you don't have an urgency about you after a few years of reviewing, you're probably not really crankin' ‘em out. With new deadlines emerging every other week, if not every, you've got to know how fill that fake-news-hole with sweet goodness.
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And one more thing...
If a relative of yours ever wants to hang a Beatles album on your Christmas tree, for god's sake let him/her have his/her moment! The hanging of X-mas ornaments should be an open process, whereby everyone feels their place in the proceedings is secure. If one or more members of a party feel an ornament is inappropriate, they're just going to have to suck it up.
Happy holidays everyone!!!
Click [here to return to the 2008 Year-End Image Map]
