Notes to self, June 10, 2006:
Entry #1, 9:02 a.m.: Just got to work: Time to head down to the coffee room. Can I avoid coworker eye contact and the resulting deadwood conversation? Maybe. Goal-setting for the day: Need to review new Futureheads album today while pretending to work. The 'If you want a cup of cream and sugar, why'd ya ask for coffee?' joke pops into my head while I dump eight packets of Non Dairy into my cup of Joe. Non Dairy. Is there a more welcoming combination of words in existence? Nope, don't think so. Suck my balls, cellar door.
Entry #2, 9:34 a.m.: Ugh, the coffee is wearing off already like so much cheap crank. I need to take a deuce, so I'm putting News and Tributes' line notes in my pocket for reading material.
Entry #3, 9:37 a.m.: I'm not big into analyzing lyrics, much less from smiley-time acts like The Futureheads, so I'm going to wipe my frothy bum with the liner notes and simply mention that the prose are nothing special unless juxtaposed with the work of one Casablancas.
Entry #4, 9:40 a.m.: When I get back to my office I find my daily Danish has not been delivered to my office as of yet. That fucking worthless intern Tibor better have a raspberry-and-chee' to me by noon or IT'S HIS ASS!
Entry #5, 10:25 a.m.: Why is it that I never noticed the 'Heads' infatuation with early Cure? Was I on drugs (moreso than usual?)? Songs like "Thursday" pimp out Robert Smith's ride, employing 4/4 guitar comps and similar inflection. Oh, and by 'pimp out' I mean 'steal.' After two full listens, it's obvious News and Tributes is a confident step for the Sunderland five piece. In other news, it's also going to be obvious I've been thinking about certain Lost cast members if I get up and walk around right now. Major man-boner time here; I've knocked vases off tables with less of a chub-chub. And yes, it's Sawyer I'm thinking about, you sick bastards.
Entry #6, 11:35 a.m.: I gave Tibor a chance, but it's almost noon and I'm still Danish-less. After work, I'm going to burn his mother-fucking house down. Interns blow...
Entry #7, noon: Seeing as now is the time I'd be rolling out of bed if I didn't have a 9-to-5, I'm going to take a little lunch-time nap. Then maybe I'll take a walk in the park (eating's for suckers).
Entry #8, noon-thirty: As I walk down the park trail, I'm gripped by the urge to run frantically. The Futureheads – bursting from My-Pod's headphones – are responsible. I run approximately 20 yards before my lungs seize up and wonder whether the adrenaline rush of listening to the 'Heads equates to a moving musical experience or a cheap high. I decide it's somewhere in between, a nice shock to the system but nothing to rant and rave about, though Captain Hypes-a-lot would disagree.
Entry #9, 1:12 p.m.: Final evaluation time: Despite their association with a bumper crop of shitty one-note hacks, The Futureheads got over their Go4 Jones just in time to put together a nice little album. My only reservation is the absence of the jarring, jolting jiz-bursts that made their self-titled debut pop and sizzle like a steak sans gristle. News and Tributes is relatively smooth sailing from note one; very consistent and effectively less immediate.
Entry #10, 2:15 p.m.: I'm vaguely considering ducking out early through the side entrance, normally reserved for incoming deliveries. I wonder whether other employees use the same escape route. Nah, they're journalists; if they were resourceful they'd of majored in something worthwhile.
Entry #11, 3:01 p.m.: I'm proud of myself for constructing a coaster out of taped-together sticky notes, and proud of The Futureheads for keeping commercial rock listenable. Not that I've heard the gangbusters-plus-one herk-jerk of "Yes/No" on radio yet, but we can always hope, right?
Entry #12, 4:20 p.m.: (wink, nudge)
Entry #13, 4:42 p.m.: Gas costs $2.93 a gallon at the Express Mart and $2.91 at a grocery-store station nearby. Is it worth it going across town to fill up at the grocery? Who knows? I'm not a fucking MATH MAJOR. Refer to Entry #10 ...
Entry #14, 4:49 p.m.: A full day of listening to News and Tributes has left me willing to choke the life out of anyone with a pronounced English accent. Tibor is lucky he doesn't have an English accent, though he's destined for the Diamond Cutter anyway. I'm crueler than Maddox when I get my dander up, hence people always saying, "Now don't get your dander up" when they tell me why my Danish is missing. They just don't realize that only a flaky, delicious Danish will make up for my currently non-Danish existence. People should be shot.
Entry #15, 4:55 p.m.: Getting ready to go home, I realize why songs like "Burnt" push News and Tributes above and beyond the status quo: Heartfelt choruses and savvy musicianship you just won't find within the contours of a Bloc Party album. As I drive home from work, I realize I left evidence, in the form of a gas can and bloody gloves, at the crime scene (Tibor's house). STUPID-STUPID! Hopefully I'll be able to cart The Futureheads' self-titled debut AND News and Tributes to jail, because one just wouldn't feel right without the other. Examples of one thing not being the same without the other flit through my head (a Twinkie without the cream, etc.), but I'm just too tired to whip up a quick metaphor, contrived or no. In fact, I'm too tired to even come up with a proper article finale. Seriously, this isn't like one of those movies where the credits roll and there's a whole other movie waiting at the other end. This is it, so enjoy the editorial goodness while you can. Either that or buy the damn album for yourself, yeesh.
1. Yes/No
2. Cope
3. Fallout
4. Skip To The End
5. Burnt
6. News And Tributes
7. Return Of The Beserker
8. Back To The Sea
9. Worry About It Later
10. Favours For Favours
11. Thursday
12. Face
13. Area - (previously unreleased)
14. Help Us Out - (previously unreleased)
15. We Cannot Lose - (previously unreleased)
16. Decent Days And Nights - (Shy Child remix)
More about: The Futureheads
