Goals: spreading several varietals of seasoned pop, rock over Gumshoe’s summerExp.: Dear International, self-released in 2005; Manners Matter, present
References: The Lovely Feathers, Electric Soft Parade, Irving, Pinback, Spoon, The Unicorns
Awards: None (yet)
Gumshoe sits at his desk flipping through promo CDs, one by one. If you stand outside the door, you can hear him growing increasingly frustrated with July’s crop: “Shit, shit, shit, might have had a chance in 1998, shit, shit, preening crap, decent, shit, shit, shit, shitaqua, shit, maybe a grower, Shih Tzu, shit-ola, sheet... hey, who the fuck are you?” [glaring red-eyed at nervous applicant in doorway]
Mancino: Oh, your secretary didn’t tell you? I’m Man--
Gumshoe: Oh, you’re Schwartz, right? Have a seat. You’re interested in the Summer Listening job...
Mancino: No no, your secretary was confused. I’m Mancino.
Gumshoe [picks up phone]: Security!
Mancino: WAIT, SIR... I have an appointment; your secretary just mistook me for this Schwartz fellow.
Gumshoe: Oh, right, sorry about that cunt in reception my receptionist.
Mancino: Isn’t that your wife?
Gumshoe: Err, nooo... AHEM. [clear throat, drumming fingers on table-top] Soooo, your name is Mancino. Have you or any of your relatives ever applied for the Summer Listening position before?
Mancino: No, we’re relatively new to the scene. We released a short LP in 2005 though.
Gumshoe: Hmmm, didn’t hear about... that one.
Mancino: ...
Gumshoe: So what do you think you can bring to my summer playlist? We’re always pretty full-up this time of year; we’ve even got people willing to do the job for free. I glanced at Manners Matter and you appear to be qualified...
Mancino: Well-sir, we’re a very joyous band with the willingness to stick our noses where they don’t belong. We mine Beatles pop, E6 orchestras, whimsical British rock, and much, much more. Our press agent says we sound like Islands, XTC, and Danielson.
Gumshoe: HA!
Mancino: You have to admit that at least the Islands comparison is on the up-and-up. We’re comfortable with that, but we prefer to think of ourselves as sounding a little bit like all of your favorite bands.
Gumshoe: Look, I don’t want to goose your gherkin, but we get a lot of applicants in here that say tha--
Mancino: Yes, but how often do they deliver the “Hetchy Hutchy Footchie”?
Gumshoe: Ahhhh, we did notice that your lyrics are a lot of fun. We like that here.
Mancino: If you like that, you’re gonna love our eclecticism. We believe in toying with song structures as a baby would with Leggos or--
Gumshoe: Leggos? Babies choke on that shit. Look, you’re obviously talented. But what are you going to bring to our album community?
Mancino: I was hoping you’d ask that! We believe in creating strong ties to the indie community through our music. We feel we can generate a louder buzz than a nuclear beehive if given the opp. to poop.
Gumshoe: You want the opportunity to poop?
Mancino: No, ‘pop’... that’s a typo.
Gumshoe: FUCK MY ASS.
Mancino: Wow, we are on the same level in so many ways! You see, Mancino believes in fucking the idea of pop normalcy right, square in the ass. We ream it, jam it, and cram it--
Gumshoe: That’s disgusting. But I like the slant of your salami, Mancino; I really do. It takes you a bit long to get to the meat of your songs occasionally, but you’re a damn-good egg. To be quite Gifford, we just don’t have much room for uplifting pop music in our Summer Listening Department.
Mancino: But you’ve taken on so many applicants during past summers.
Gumshoe: Things are different now. We need employees we know we can count on to deliver, song-in, song-out. We have high standards here, and if you don’t live up to them, you’ll find yourself on a goddamn shelf with Meneguar and the other looooosers.
Mancino: Look, we know we’re young and relatively ‘green,’ but we’re wise beyond our years. You want prog-pop? Check out the tail-end of “People We Meet” and prepare to be geek’d. You want something a little more serious? “Definition of an Accident” sounds like Cyann & Ben in half-rock, half-lounge mode. You want an inspirational song-closing climax? It’s on the house, my friend -- “Five Blades” will make your hair stand on end with its post-rockian guitar leads. How ’bout a killer recorder solo, fondu-ed by drippy-cheese synths and hiccup-ing chants of ‘yeah’? Check “L’Amour (Or Less)” and feel the fuzzy nozzle-head baby!
Gumshoe: We did like that one. But it’s a goddamn pun. To be honest, we’re trying to phase out all the bad puns. Blood on the Slacks? Houses of the Mole? I suggest you leave that shit to Al Jourgensen. Furthermore, how can we be sure you’ll outlast the novelty phase? Anyone can hold this job for a day or two, but to have any staying power, you’re going to have to floss with the posse constantly. We run a tight ship here.
Mancino: Then call me Ike; It’s the Love Boat this summa baby! I’ll mix yo’ drink and fuck yo’ ol’ lady... musically speaking.
Gumshoe: That’s... wildly inappropriate. But I like the cut of your jib, Mancino. You make me feel all... warm inside.
Mancino: Call me Mannnnn.
Gumshoe: Welcome aboard, Mannnnn. [talking while standing up and shaking Mancino’s hand]. See you Monday in the family-car stereo deck. You’ll be rotated into the CD player on the way to work, bright and early.
Mancino: But Gumshoe doesn’t have a job right now, does he?
Gumshoe: Oh, you’re good Man, you’re real good. You’ll actually be accompanying his wife for the first few weeks -- on your best behavior now, haha! Kidding... -- then we often like to shuffle our employees around. You might be jammed into an MP3 player one week, a home stereo the next. Most bands like the variety.
Mancino: Sounds wonderful.
Gumshoe: Welcome aboard.
More about: Mancino
