(Audience cheering and “whoo”ing for about 10 seconds before finally quieting down. The musical duo of Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward who make up the newly formed musical outfit She & Him stand side-by-side awaiting the judges’ thoughts.)
Randy: Yo, yo, yo! Zooey Deschanel! Dude, what is going on Zooey?! Ok, so check it out, you know, I didn’t really know what to expect when you came on out here. I knew that you were, like, an actress in Hollywood (light cheering from the hometown audience) doing some acting things, and that you decided to record an album with my homeboy M. Ward (more light cheering from the audience), but man! You got some pipes on you girl! I mean your voice has a purity to it that is much better than most of the pieces of shit that come through here we haven’t seen since Leslie Feist who hopefully would never be caught dead on this show. And you really wrote most of those songs yourself, didn’t you? That’s definitely impressive. I was digging your old-school Carly Simon-meets-Linda Ronstadt-meets-a small-town candy shop vibe. I know that M. Dubs has a thing for doing the whole throwback thing, but this was his most obvious reach for a bygone era. As a producer, M. Ward did a great job giving your voice that recorded-in-a-large-vintage-recording-studio echo to it, which really enhances the 1960s theme to your music. You know though, I would have liked to hear some more of you, M. Wooord. I mean, I give you mad props for producing this album, M. Wizzy, but we could only hear your broken-hearted vocals on a few of the tracks – and then typically only as background filler. If you are the “Him” to her “She,” you got to get up in there, dawg. But Zooey, your songs are all sweet and pure and it really took me back a couple of decades. So, assuming that was what you were trying to do, great job.
(Audience cheering. Zooey smiling and nodding. M. Ward puts his arm around Zooey.)
Paula: (Sitting down from doing a sampler of ’60s and ’70s dance moves during the performance – including the Grease twist and the flower child sway.) You know. I just have to say to both of you, to Zooey and Matthew. Thank you guys. You guys made me feel like I was driving along in an old convertible and we were going to like… the drive-in… and we were drinking milkshakes and life was beautiful and happy. You didn’t overproduce anything or do anything different than what the great AM radio artists would have done 30 to 40 years ago. You are so cute, Zooey, and your voice is so innocent and you sometimes have that subtle country drawl which when matched with the simplicity of your songs and Matthew’s decent guitar work makes me feel like the drive-in theater that we were driving to is in like… Oklahoma. Or like somewhere that is like (stifled burp) more Americana… you know? Anyway, I think that you guys are just adorable, and I want to go down to the ol’ swimming hole with both of you and eat Pixie Stix! If this is only Volume One, I can’t wait for the next volumes!
(Audience cheering. Zooey smiling and mouthing the words “Thank you.” M. Ward wandering over toward the band to see if he can play with their effects pedals. Shot of the Merge Records executives looking content that their new rookie is meshing well with their rising star.)
Simon: (Sneering derisively at Paula.) To be honest, I am not sure what to think. I thought everything was a bit too blithe. (Boos from the crowd. Paula looks over at Randy and mouths, “What does blithe mean?”) Let me finish… let me finish. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Look, the whole act is really cute. Even the back story about how Zooey and Matt met and then performed together at a concert which led them to discussions about doing a joint album is very sweet, but the whole thing just feels a little kitschy to me. (Rubs his pectorals and biceps for effect.) Zooey, you do have a fantastic voice and your songwriting is capable, it’s just somewhat predictable, and your lyrics are cheeky. The whole thing was just very old-fashioned – almost as predictable as a hapless music reviewer resorting to the hackneyed American Idol analogy to get his point…
Randy: (Cutting in) Simon, man, I think that’s the point. This is supposed to be a throwback, old-fashioned record. Even in their press releases they talk about this being a “love letter to the musicians who inspired it.”
Simon: (Aghast after being interrupted.) Look, I’m not denying that they did a remarkable job mining the past for inspiration. But, I’m concerned for Zooey doing her debut album in a style that has already gone out of style. I’m sure that this collaboration will get plenty of notice on NPR, and I could see any of these songs being featured in a Volkswagen or iPod commercial and maybe even a Zack Braff movie soundtrack. (Teenage girls cheer from the audience.) Miss Deschanel is young and beautiful, and I’m sure that she has a very bright future; but my advice would be for Zooey and Matt to make their next She & Him volumes in a newer, more relevant style, or at least add some stylistic twists to make their music their own.
(As the stage music starts playing, Ryan walks over to the pleased musicians to say some empty-headed filler closing notes and encourage America to vote before cutting to commercial. As the camera pans away Ryan is seen asking Zooey what an “indie label” is.)
More about: She & Him
