In 32-bit bootleg grain against a barely fluorescent background reads the title screen: Topaz Gang in Cyprus Skate Plaza. Euan yells to Tom in blaring negative tones, “LOOK!” followed by a side-scrolling cut-scene running in a field of uncut grass back to a mall that appears as though it has once been abandoned. Yet, upon arrival, the Cyprus Skate Plaza is heavily occupied by freaks, wads, punks, snots, half-breeds, failed experiments, dorks, etc.; Topaz Gang are asked a few verification entrance questions (mostly about how many stacks they can ollie) and then immediately requested to “Sk8 2Gether.” This is the beginning menu screen before “Lights Out!” referring to the plaza’s low-lit sonic protection and technique against raiders and cops, which involves a dim glare kept throughout the plaza, trailing a smoother intruder-warning sax sound (emitted through level 7 skateboard advancements) wielded by various skater heroes.
The first full stage, having survived their first night of Cyprus Skate Plaza, our hero-duo Topaz Gang bare their new home’s community through tier 1, or “Cyprus Skate Plaza 1.” Traversing a barrage of neon-green erosive fumes, they fight off mind-tricks and psychedelic nostalgia to block toxic waste leakage, and are eventually rewarded with “Pearldrops” of information on how to use a skateboard speaker before ranking up to level 7. Yet, harsh “Rainfall” interrupts their lesson in kick-flip sax-loops; holes in the ceiling flood their practice space; and finding a slide back to a more-canopied spot becomes a mini-game, avoiding obstacles along the half-tube boarding down. Upon advancing into the second full stage, Topaz Gang find a realm of pure overload in “Cyprus Skate Plaza 2,” as the Cyprus Skate Plaza’s robotic security droids have malfunctioned, emitting irradiated sound from their chests; only Euan and Tom have enough water in their ears from the flooding to collectively defeat and save their newfound shelter.
Reward and luxury come quickly, advancing Topaz Gang to a much higher ranking and, of course, to the “Shred Palm Vista” suite, cut with philodendron and ramps that amount to a half-pipe in heaven, swaying in the way. At night, another mini game transpires, as Topaz Gang meld their sleep patterns and traverse the “Dreamhead,” together, boosting their team work into a mental trip of, Thanks, fellah. I got you, B. But with greatness comes true responsibility, as their “Shred Palm Vista” suite has turned into a “Thrilla Surfari,” ensnared by overgrown terrain, housing a towering bird that sirens a blur, temporarily paralyzing their psyche. Thus, “What Was Your Name” becomes the second part of this mini game, as the duo fights a collaborative memory on a melted curricula. However, there’s no rest in Cyprus Skate Plaza, because the third full stage “Cyprus Skate Plaza 3” sinks in, and mental stutter starts to emerge and syncopate; drugs and ramps and memory lapse and unintentional vision-questing; screaming eyes drown mouthfuls of tears: HOW WILL THEY BE SAVED?
An army of security bots swoop in and “Sk8 in the Rain” to save the new plaza heroes who waterproofed them earlier, singing a word-less chorus to prime their collective motor skills for the rescue. When the “Lights on!” warning is raised, Topaz Gang are lost from their recent accommodation and are found lying along the side of an empty indoor pool used as a ramp/grind pit, blinking at the graffiti within. Laying there with other skaters, a trapdoor opens, and our duo is faced with the final stage: “Cyprus Skate Plaza 4,” where the trick is to not be hypnotized by the mind alterations fluxing in sound. Through a grueling trial and error of respawn mayhem, they defeat the final evil terrorizing these suits and are placed on a stage in front of the entire Cyprus Skate Plaza population, awarded with praise — including “Miss U” messages kissed at them. And as the “Goodbye Cyprus Plaza” saxophone blares from both their board speakers in an array of colors, their mission forward will always be in name of protecting this work of modern squatting, hearing the “End Credits” blur from within the echoing halls of Cyprus Skate Plaza.
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