Once upon a time, oh gorgeously naïve TMT reader, the world was beautiful. Our ruler was of divine right, with a quest to make experimental pop jams -- not only for the cavalier enjoyment of esoteric purple-frilled suit-wearing gents like himself, but for all in the village. That’s charity, folks.
LET IT BE KNOWN: When the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince ruled over this humble land, he did so with glowing amiability, fervor, and (creepily androgynous) love. None would dare question the good Prince’s charity. He hired peasant children as backup dancers and met weekly with the poor and lowly townspeople to shower them with lavish gifts -- loaves of bread, clean water, Bibles, harps, and the like. Then, he would ceremonially wash their feet.
That excellence passed on, though. Soon, milk and honey stopped flowing. YouTube, eBay, and The Pirate Bay diminished the profits of the Good Prince’s creative genius. As in, they were getting all up in his purple reign. Yea, I said it.
SERIOUSLY, THOUGH: Our favorite (a)sexy one has hired Web Sheriff, a Brit-based company hunting down internet piracy, to aide in his fight against internet companies supposedly promoting copyright violations.
According to Prince, he will “reclaim the Internet.”*
Al Gore** will be doing marketing/promotions for Prince’s reclaiming battle, who will split pillages of conquest, obviously to share with peasants, lowly townspeople, and fame’s close-but-no-cigar almost hottie Haylie Duff***, who works as a fellow at corporate headquarters to continue her grabbing-at-straws attempt to snag a helping of li'l sis Hil Duff’s piece of the pie.
Chin up, Haylie.
* ACTUALLY NOT A JOKE
** It could happen
*** It would happen
