I think maybe Alan Bishop might be planning to break up with me. No, listen, I’m not just being a narcissist. I think I might’ve done something to make him think I’m some kinda asshole. I mean, just three years ago things were great. He was covering The Beach Boys at me, we’d laugh, we’d go putt-putting together, the whole deal. But then last year he got super pissed at my horse for some reason (which, I mean, what did Walter Matthau The Horse ever do to him?), and after that everything went to shit. And now, now he’s threatening to strangle me? Where has our love gone, Alan? Wherefore art thou dearest Alvarius?
The choke threat comes by way of an album press release, as it always does these days (the phone works both ways, Alan). He’s got a new archival release planned: What One Man Can Do with an Acoustic Guitar, Surely Another Can Do with His Hands Around the Neck of God. Where last year’s archival release, Fuck You and the Horse You Rode in On collected pre-Sun City Girls tracks from Bishop during the early 80s, What One Man Can Do… consists of instrumental guitar recordings made straight to tape during the 90s. It’s out May 13, which, get this, is the anniversary of the first time Alan beat me at Monopoly. So yeah, this is definitely a personal attack.
You want a description of the album that doubles as all the convincing I need to go shopping for off-season turtlenecks later? How about: “You could simply imagine that these are songs about strangling people like you with a low E steel guitar string.” What, Alan!? The whole deal, which “has more of a resemblance to a performance on power tools than it does to strumming or picking a Martin flat top,” is limited to a single pressing of 400 copies, so you’ll want to keep an eye on the Abduction web store for when the thing becomes available.
What One Man Can Do with an Acoustic Guitar, Surely Another Can Do with His Hands Around the Neck of God tracklisting:
01. Twister
02. Mantra Days
03. Attic Memory
04. Dead Metal Forever
05. Lateral Paradigms
06. Wyoming Twilight
07. Harsh Shadows
08. The Delta Stinger
09. Drunken Patriot
10. Mean Crossover
11. Old Orange and His Cousin
12. Wildcat Regulations
13. Cedar Point
14. Where the Murk Flows
15. Funky Natchez
16. Nasty Plumage (For Jack Rose)
• Alvarius B.: https://myspace.com/alvariusb
• Abduction: http://www.suncitygirls.com/abduction
More about: Alvarius B.
