Built to Spill are going on tour, and again without a new album to support. Fans and sphincter-looking music writers alike may speculate various reasons for the band putting off recording the follow-up to 2005's You In Reverse. Some may be more optimistic (that they are focused on producing poignant material), and some pessimistic (that Doug Martsch and company are "fraidy cats" after the resonating diatribes of 2001's Ancient Melodies of the Future), but I know what's really going on here.
After a few alcoholic beverages, several porn clips featuring the ex-stars of Wild & Crazy Kids, and much typical TMT fact-finding, I came across a little known band that makes psychedelic jams for kids, appropriately called The Sippy Cups. You see, it is my belief that everyone has an arch enemy in the universe, and The Sippy Cups (named after drinking cups built NOT to spill) aren't exactly best buds with Built to Spill.
Generally moving at antipodal points in order to keep the earth balanced on its axis, BTS are now looking to fuck things up by chasing down The Sippy Cups ("Sissy" Cups, as Martsch likes to say) on a tour of the U.S. Once defeated, only then will BTS be psychologically ready to record a new album.
For now, the plot to take down The Sippy Cups is on!
