New Treatise on the Treatment of Agoraphobia
In attempting to rid oneself of the painful loneliness and draining anxiety often associated with moderate-to-severe Agoraphobia, it is of utmost importance that one begin simply. One must devise a certain activity that possesses the, shall I say, “malleability” so as to have the preordained characteristic of growth from distractingly intense inward focus to full-fledged public display. Several potential treatment options were examined, including baking, writing, bed-making-and-unmaking-and-then-making-again, and bird watching. But, fascinatingly, months of field research have yielded compelling results when one particular treatment method is employed: the Indie Rock Project Method.
- STEP 1: Start a modest indie rock “bedroom project.” The “bedroom” aspect is key here. Give the project a name that signals your condition to outsiders who may initially confuse you for a glamour-seeking social gadabout like Kevin Barnes. Let us consider the name “Casiotone for the Painfully Alone” in our example.
- STEP 2: Make a new record. Start small, perhaps with an EP, perhaps with a compelling title such as Town Topic. This EP could consist of almost anything; the only goal here is creative focus of the mind. It could even consist of 13 instrumental pieces, bookended by two vocal tracks, with titles like “Ice Cream Truck” (a therapeutic story of criminal-minded kids who go joy-riding in a stolen ice cream truck, perhaps?) and “Green Cotton Sweater (version)” (featuring blown-out drum machine rhythms, clattering pianos, and systematic vintage amp therapy?).
If you find yourself progressing with the treatment more quickly than expected, consider working with one or more outside artists, like new filmmaker Laruel Nakadate, for example. Construct your new EP in collaboration with his or her medium. For instance, your Town Topic EP would also function as the original soundtrack to Nakadate’s debut film Stay The Same Never Change.
- STEP 3: Set up a small tour in support of your new EP/soundtrack. Don’t worry; you need not leave the U.S. on this tour, and it need not include more than 10 dates for the treatment to remain effective. Please note that this process will seem daunting at first, but consider the following: you have already put in so much work on the product that it would be simply foolish not to tour on it. Also consider that these nightly live recreations of a record that you produced in the comfort of your own home will provide some measure of relief as you travel farther and farther from your former prison. Please see FIGURE 1a. below for an example tour schedule.
FIGURE 1a: Casiotone for the Painfully Alone “Systematic Desensitization” Tour ’08: