With Nobodaddy out of the picture, there’s been a lot of chatter cutting through the cigar smoke in the TMT newsroom about how things are going to shake out going forward. The big guys upstairs have made it pretty clear that they don’t want any drop off in content production, so in order to keep up with the news, our quotas have been increased, our rations slashed. As a fulfillment of the requirements put forth in the latest site-wide memo, this post will include not one, but two jokes about Damien Jurado’s new house tour thingy.
1. Damien Jurado is a vampire. He wants to tour your house, but because of the logistics of vampire-dom, he can’t do so until you invite him in. Whether or not you invite him in is totally up to you, reader, but look, all those young girls that disappeared near his castle were total coincidences. Damien Jurado is a nice guy. You should invite him in. His tour will start in May and will find him mournfully knocking on front doors offering “intimate” renditions of all the hits from your favorite vampire-talk-titled album on Secretly Canadian, Maraqopa (TMT Review) (“Maraqopa” is Vampire for “easy with the breadsticks there, big guy”). If you’re still unsure about letting him into your house, you can buy tickets for the already-slated house shows at Undertow Tickets. Each show will be limited to 30-50 victims… um, I mean guests, so lap them up quickly, like blood from the neck of a virgin!
2. Taking a page out of the books of Amanda Palmer and mice everywhere, Damien Jurado would totally be willing to let you let him stay at your house. He just wants to do a date or two of his May tour, that’s all. He’ll even let you listen to his most recent album, Maraqopa with him. Oh, and he might also let you loan him five bucks, since he hasn’t tried those new Cool Ranch tacos from Taco Bell yet, and he’s got a craving. He’s also totally happy to let you watch him get all intimate and candlelit with a bunch of other folks up in Tacoma, Washington in this video right here:
Thanks, Damien really appreciates it, he’s so grateful he’s totally willing to let you pay him for coming to your house and sleeping in your bed. You can just visit the Undertow Tickets website right there. No friendo, it doesn’t work that way, I’m afraid you can’t let Damien replace that vase he broke last night.
Tourdates:
05.01.13 - Bellingham, WA - The Roost
05.02.13 - Moscow, ID - Mikey’s Gyros
05.03.13 - Boise, ID - Neurolux
05.04.13 - Billings, MT - House Show
05.06.13 - Fargo, ND - The Aquarium
05.07.13 - Le Sueur, MN - House Show
05.08.13 - St. Paul, MN - Turf Club
05.09.13 - Iowa City, IA - House Show
05.10.13 - Des Moines, IA - Vaudeville, Mews
05.11.13 - Beaver Lake, NE - House Show
05.12.13 - Colorado Springs, CO - House Show
05.13.13 - Denver, CO - Hi-Dive
05.14.13 - Salt Lake City, UT - House Show
05.16.13 - Tucson, AZ - Club Congress
05.17.13 - Phoenix, AZ - Pub Rock
05.18.13 - San Diego, CA - Soda Bar
05.19.13 - Pioneertown, CA - Pappy and Harriet’s
05.20.13 - Fillmore, CA - House Show
05.21.13 - Santa Cruz, CA - House Show
05.22.13 - Davis, CA - Sophia’s
05.24.13 - Portland, OR - Holocene
• Damien Jurado: http://damienjurado.com
• Secretly Canadian: http://www.secretlycanadian.com
[Photo: Pappi Swarner]
More about: Damien Jurado
