Walking my dog one fine evening,
I chanced upon a dude a-leaning
Against a tree and strapped with twine,
At his dogged feet some beer, spirits, and wine.
Something told me not to pass
Without at least untying his sorry ass.
I really wanted to just walk my pooch,
But I also wanted some of his hooch.
So untied I did, my new-found friend
And saved him from a grisly end.
"Thanks, man," he said. "I must look pale.
An hour without booze and I get quite frail.
As you can see, I've got some treats
Way down yonder near my stanky feets.
For untying my wrists, you can have some ale,
Some liquor, some wine and some tunes by Grails."
"Grails," said I, "Well I don't know them.
But I'm always up for tweaking my brain stem.
I love thundering drums, I need battle sounds,
Are Grails minstrel bards of some renown?"
"Oh decadent wuss, your ears are wet.
Probably still listening to Alanis Morrisette.
Wrapped up in cloistered little world,
Watch out that beer doesn't make you hurl."
"I'll let that Alanis shit slide, but only because
You've given me many drinks to get a buzz.
I don't mind strapping you back on the bark.
Put on those Grails, with no nasty remark!"
My synapses pop, my head it pounds.
"Another! Another! You creative clowns!"
Instrumental songs and noise by the barrel
If I don't get more Grails, it is my peril.
I awake months later in a familiar place,
Brain damaged grin still on my face.
Dude's still with me, like a kangaroo's pouch.
The cling-on fucker just won't leave my couch.
I should be grateful for him opening my ears
To these otherworldly drones, this music of spheres.
It is now my daily ritual, without fail
To kneel every night and thank God for Grails!
Burning Off Impurities was created by Grails in a producer's joust
With Jeff Saltzman and Steven Wray Lobdell, sometimes of Faust.
May 1st's the date*, Temporary Residence the label,
Time for a tracklist in this lame-ass fable:
1. Soft Temple
2. More Extinction
3. Silk Rd
4. Drawn Curtains
5. Outer Banks
6. Dead Vine Blues
7. Origin-ing
8. Burning Off Impurities
Grails are touring,
But not until spring,
Dates are piling,
You'll be smiling,
If you take the time,
Or commit a crime,
To get dough to spend,
Or a friend to lend,
‘Cause tickets are prime,
But worth every dime
05.03.07 - Austin, TX - Emo's Jr. #
05.04.07 - Houston, TX - Mink #
05.05.07 - Baton Rouge, LA - Spanish Moon #
05.07.07 - Orlando, FL - The Social #
05.08.07 - Jacksonville, FL - TSI #
05.09.07 - Birmingham, AL - Bottletree #
05.10.07 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl #
05.11.07 - Mt. Pleasant, SC - The Village Tavern #
05.12.07 - Chapel Hill, NC - Local 506 #
05.13.07 - Charlottesville, VA - Satellite Ballroom #
05.14.07 - Baltimore, MD - Ottobar #
05.15.07 - Washington, DC - Rock and Roll Hotel #
05.16.07 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church #
05.17.07 - New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom #
# Mono & World's End Girlfriend
* Or April 24, as posted on the Grails site. A double vinyl version (with an etching on the fourth side!) of Burning Off Impurities will come out on May 22. I didn't bother trying to incorporate this fact into my epic poem above because a) I couldn't come up with any words that rhyme with vinyl; b) there are actually a few words that rhyme with vinyl (final, spinal, vaginal...), but I thought about them after I was already spent writing this; c) I'm really not much of a finisher, or a dependable date; d) if truth be told, I'm not really a hard worker either. I'm kind of creepy and awkward toward strangers, too; e) I have been known to get diarrhea when confronted with a challenge, or by any nearby insect...
