Dr Pepper, which has everything to do with Guns N' Roses, has announced that it will give a free can of Dr Pepper to "everyone in America," if the should-be-mildly-but-is-hotly anticipated Chinese Democracy sees release this year.
"It took a little patience to perfect Dr Pepper's special mix of 23 ingredients, which our fans have come to know and love," says Jaxie Alt, director of marketing (of course). "So we completely understand and empathize with Axl's quest for perfection -- for something more than the average album. We know once it's released, people will refer to it as ‘Dr Pepper for the ears’ because it will be such a refreshing blend of rich, bold sounds - an instant classic."
Poetry right there.
Dr Pepper even created a blog dedicated to the offer. The first post reads: "We are on the verge of economic collapse, the housing market is beyond repair and rock n' roll has been taken over by wannabe singers and musicals about high schoolers. Never before in the history of time has the world needed a savior as badly as we do now. That savior is Guns N Roses."
HAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!
That said, here are some things to consider:
1. Dr Pepper is shamelessly trying to tap into the music blogosphere with this campaign.
2. Anyone who posted about this offer is a fool and are playing right into Dr Pepper's hands.
3. We're fools.
4. Dr Pepper is owned by Cadbury Schweppes.
5. Cadbury Schweppes owns these soft drinks: 7Up, Bournvita, A&W Root Beer, Cactus Cooler, Canada Dry, Cherry R.C., Cool Ridge, Coolah Energy, Country Time, Cream Soda, Crush, Deja Blue water, Diet RC Cola, Diet Rite, Dr Pepper, Dry Lemon, Ginger ale, Gini, Grapefruit Soda, Granadilla Twist, Hawaiian Punch, Hires Root Beer, IBC Root Beer, La Casera, Lemon Sour, Mistic Brands, Mott's apple juice, Nantucket Nectars, Nehi, Orangina, Peñafiel, Quinine Tonic water, ReaLemon/ReaLime, R.C. Cola, Ricqlès, Russchian, Schweppes, Schweppes Cola, Slush Puppie, Snapple beverages, Solo, Sparberry, Spring Valley Juice, Squirt, Stewart's Soda, Sundrop, Sunkist, Tahitian Treat, TriNa, Vernor's Ginger Ale, Welch's, Wink, Yoo-hoo, Jeranium, Woodroofe
6. Cadbury Schweppes also owns these chocolates: Boost, Bournville, Premium Dark, Brunch Bar, Caramilk, Fudge bar, Thins, Caramello Koala, Cherry Ripe, Chomp, Creme Eggs, Crispy Crunch, Crunchie, Curlywurly, Dairy Milk, Dairy Milk Melts, Dairy Milk Giant Chocolate Buttons, Dairy Milk Buttons, Dairy Milk Tasters, Double Decker, Dream, Cadbury's Chocolate Eclairs, Fingers, Five Star, Flake, Freddo Frog, Freddo Frog with Caramel, Fuse, Gems, Jaffas, Marble, Milk Tray, Mini Eggs Cadbury Mini Eggs., Mini Rolls, Miniature Heroes, Moro, Old Gold, Perk, Picnic, Roses, Snack, Snaps, Spira, Star Bar, Sweet Marie, Time Out, Twirl, Wispa, Wunderbar
7. Cadbury Schweppes is on the verge of de-merging into two separate entities.
8. Pining for a Guns N' Roses release is equal parts nostalgia, sarcasm, and romanticism.
