The results are in, sports fans! Last year, the world watched (and music writers eagerly lampooned) as the illimitable Terra Firma president Guy Hands (your friend and mine) "seized" control of the tanking EMI Music with the goal of whipping the corporation into some kind of financial solvency. Now, the results are in as to just how well EMI fared during its first fiscal year under Hands' thumb. And, well, let’s just say that "terra firma" seems to be a pretty apt description of its ultimate trajectory.
All in all, EMI has reported a loss of £757 million, that's $1.2 billion U.S., for the year ending March 31 of this year; not exactly the band aid that the music giant was looking for, I'm sure. In fact, the loss is more than double that of the previous fiscal year, where EMI lost a piddly £287 million (or $454.4 million). Revenue also dropped from £1.8 billion ($2.85 billion) last year to £1.45 billion ($2.3 billion) this year.
But Hands probably isn't biting his nails over this just yet, as the report also included an introduction from former BBC executive and current "right Hands man" Lord Birt (seriously!), who was eager to note that despite "continuing underperformance from EMI Music" and "the absence of rosy assurances about the future," all hope is not lost. Well, Halleluiah. Birt goes on to assert that the report "does not signal any lack of confidence in EMI, but sets out the problems that were faced in the year," adding that EMI's costs were too high and that its system was unable to tell how profitable its individual acts were. You know, no big deal. It'll probably work itself out.
But also, since these figures only run up to March 31 of this year, they do not include any results from many of this year's hit albums, including Coldplay's smash Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends (TMT Review) or Katy Perry's either obnoxious or just plain innocuous single "I Kissed A Girl," both of which could somewhat substantially bolster next year's bottom line (if all recorded music isn't free by then). In point of fact, only three EMI albums surpassed one million in sales during the time frame accounted for by the report, plus two of those always-great NOW compilations. Then there's those pesky one-off restructuring costs of £123 million ($195.8 million) relating to those faceless 1,500 staffers who were laid off worldwide, which shouldn't really burden future profit margins -- just the families of all those unemployed people.
If you're up to it, the entire 101-page report can be read online as a PDF file here. Meanwhile, EMI states that another report coming later this year will lay out its future strategy and plans, which I'm pretty sure just means that there'll be no Christmas Bonuses this year. Bummer.