Alright, I’ve been asked to provide an update to all interested parties on what’s been going on recently and what’s planned for the near future in the world of "Matt and Eleanor." Well, six months ago, we had our first child, a little baby boy. Frankly, he’s a total nightmare. He smiles at us almost constantly, and we totally feel compelled to weakly smile back. His very existence also means we can never get out and see shows anymore. Consequently, we’re looking into the possibility of making some infertile rich people very happy. For roughly three grand, you can buy lifetime rights to the shit machine. It’ll pay for the trip to LA we’re planning for the end of the month, and as a bonus for us, The Locust are playing there! Rad.
We also moved into a new house last fall, and unfortunately the neighbors are making our lives even worse than the baby did. You know the score -- snide looks, ignoring our cheery greetings, acid thrown into the baby’s pram. The mad lady next door threw a badly decomposed squirrel onto our porch last Tuesday, with a message stapled to it claiming “YOUR NEXT” (sic). I know it was her, because I saw her zooming back up the path in her wicked, motorized wheelchair. I guess they just don’t know how to cope with the white-hot style we’ve brought to the neighborhood. Makes ‘em feel small.
On a positive note, Eleanor’s new job is going just great; we’d heard that the pimps in our new town were far, far less brutal than where we were living before. I’m glad to report our experiences have, for the most part, borne this out. I mean, she gets a little slap or two from time to time, but it’s a pretty small price to pay, seeing as she loves the work so much. Dirty cow...
[Real-Time Editor's Note: Macka, when I said I wanted a Matt and Eleanor update, I was talking about Matt and Eleanor from THE FUCKING FIERY FURNACES!!! DUHHHH. Serious, we like you around TMT, but u gots to step up your game if u want to make it in the industry.]
Oops. I’ve just been told by the editor that it’s not my wife and I’s scintillating life together that the readers of TMT want to know about; it’s the Matt and Eleanor out of the pop band The Fiery Furnaces! My apologies! This has hurt my feelings just a little, I must admit, because in common with most residents of the North American continent, I just fucking love talking about myself ALL THE TIME. But, you know, Mr P is a pretty hard person to argue with, especially when he looks deep into your pathetic soul with those delicious eyes of his...
So, yes, The Fiery Furnaces. The other Matt and Eleanor. Well, they’ve evidently had enough of Fat Possum, the label that released last year's Bitter Tea (TMT Review), and have signed with Thrill Jockey for their new album Widow City, due in October (woo... a very Charles Bronsonesque title, no?). Prior to the release of the album, they're going on a tour titled “The Fiery Furnaces Fourth Of July Tour,” which is crazy, yeah, because they’re not playing a show on July 4 at all! Even crazier is that they’re promising to play “some” tracks off the new album on tour as well. Wow. Gonna be GREAT.
Interestingly, Matt (the Fiery one), has stated that the tour is dedicated to Nancy Faust, organist for the hyphey collective that go by the name of the Chicago White Sox. Ms Faust is entering her 38th year as organist for the club, so yes, she’s pretty old. Fiery Furnaces... old women... fucked-up records... what could happen here is just too gruesome to comprehend. I’ll just concentrate on the tourdates:
all dates with Dios
