Glastonbury, a small town in Somerset, England, is shrouded in myth and lore. The church on the hill is rumored to have been built roughly 65 years after Jesus died and house the Holy Grail. It is said that the remains of King Arthur and Guinevere were found there and then moved and subsequently lost during reformation. Recently, ancient papers were found regarding the legendary music festival that happens there once a year, previously thought to be unconnected to the cities more mysterious mysteries. Carbon-data testing shows that the texts were written circa 1267, when people in England sounded a lot more like Americans. The text:
So like, Joseph of Arimathea was hanging out with Jesus at Avalon a long, long, time ago, and shit, drinking mead, playing ping-pong, talking about dinosaurs, ya know. Chillin'. When Joseph was like ‘Let's do this all the time, J’ and then Jesus was like ‘For real! We could have some bands come here and play, and shit, like once a year’ and Joseph was like ‘Dude. That's why you're the prophet. You always gots the best ideas and shit.’
The rest of the document was rendered illegible due to the passage of time and bong-water, but from what scientists were able to piece together, Indiana Jones, after finding the grail years later, decided to start Jesus' festival himself, calling it the Glastonbury Festival, since the town of Avalon had been long ago been renamed in favor of something easier to spell.
This year's already sold-out Glastonbury Festival, running June 24-28, features many stages and many, many performers, including Neil Young, The Specials, Lily Allen, Fleet Foxes, Regina Spektor, Bloc Party, Doves, Fucked Up, Q Tip, The Streets, Ray Davies, Fairport Convention, Animal Collective, Joe Goddard of Hot Chip, Pussy Parlure, British Sea Power, Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band, Kasabian, Crosby, Stills & Nash, Dizzee Rascal, Spinal Tap, Eagles Of Death Metal, Franz Ferdinand, Maximo Park, Peter Doherty, Peter, Bjorn and John, The Broken Family Band, Jarvis Cocker, Passion Pit, Tindersticks, Bon Iver, M Ward, Horace Andy, Bombay Bicycle Club, Noah And The Whale, Rye Rye, Eliza Carthy, Badly Drawn Boy, Stereo MCs, Blur, Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds, Madness, Tom Jones, Bon Iver, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Art Brut, The Boxer Rebellion, Echo And The Bunnymen, Black Eyed Peas, Roots Manuva, Cold War Kids, Alela Diane, Terry Reid, Micachu and the Shapes, Robyn Hitchcock, The Aliens, Magic Numbers, Peaches, Appleblim.... and many more.
