Remember high school? Remember spring break? All the cool kids were setting up condos and hotels in Florida, and we (the ones wearing oversized Smashing Pumpkins shirts) were stuck at home where it would inevitably rain for seven days straight. While the jocks were fashioning four-story beer bongs and catching Chlamydia, we were thinking about Canada and purchasing beer legally. There was some town that started with a 'w' -- Windemere or some shit -- that always rose to the top of conversation like the head of a good beer. All it took was six hours of driving and we could gamble, drink, rent prostitutes, and get free health care. It never happened.
One summer we went so far as to write out an actual itinerary. It was written in pencil, smeared from passing it around at the lunch table, and it probably overstressed the importance of purchasing beer. Nonetheless, for the last two years of high school, Canada was seen as our Eden, a much more tangible Red Light district.
What does this have to do with current music news? Well, if you've read any of my other stories, you'll realize I haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing writing for this first-tier publication. But now, as I empty my eighth bottle of Labatt Blue and smoke my decriminalized Canadian weed, I realize I was supposed to tell my brothers up north that the good lord Method (Mefud) Man will be making a few stops in your area come November. Why he's skipping over his home country is no mystery, for I'm sure he, like I, remembers the days when Canada was like that uncle who sneaks you beers at family reunions, while America is that aunt who threatens to tell your parents about your bloodshot eyes. Wait, what's the point again? That America isn't the land of opportunity? That ain't patriotic. I don't even know anymore.
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