It was another cold, late night at the office. News had been coming in fast at Tiny Mix Tapes all week, and I was desperate for a relaxing weekend. February was my month for janitorial duties, and my body ached from clearing beer cans off Nobodaddy’s desk for the last two hours. I grabbed my coat and keys and rushed to the exit, praying that this would be the day I made it home before sunset. As I stepped into the lobby, a cardboard box full of Erstwhile promotional material tumbled off a shelf, spilling Taku Sugimoto stickers everywhere.
“You missed a spot!” cackled Mr P, overturning a second box and slamming the door behind him. I stooped over and peeled each sticker off the carpet, my kneecaps creaking with fatigue.
It was pitch black when I finally got to the car. No other vehicles were left in the parking lot, except for the company Toyota Scion Rockmobile. As I went to put my key in the lock, I noticed a rustling in the bushes, and suddenly a sharp pain shot through my spine. My hands scraped along the pavement as I fell forward, and as I struggled to turn over I saw the hulking form of Mi Ami drummer Damon Palermo descend upon my ribcage with a horrible crunch.
“URRRRGH,” my body cried out, but guitarist Daniel Martin-McCormick stared back at me with dead eyes. I was in Mi Ami’s world now. Palermo pinned my shoulders to the ground as Martin-McCormick gave me a “neo-dub” right in the windpipe. I gasped for oxygen and begged them to stop. Beating after beating commenced.
“L… listen. We didn’t want it this way, alright?!” Palermo shouted, shaken by the sight of my disfigured face. “It wasn’t supposed to be this way!”
“It’s the label, man. It’s Thrill Jockey…” Martin-McCormick whispered. “Said we needed more press… said we had to bring our tourdates ‘straight to their doorsteps.’ There was no other way.”
“But we’….ve… we’ve given you…p-press…” I choked out, teeth clenched and gums a mess. “We…. urgh… wrote n-nice reviews of… oh god, the pain… Steal Your Face (TMT Review) and… urgh… Watersports (TMT Review). Last m-month, E. Nagurney… he… he wrote about your Dolphins 12-in…ch… and—”
Both musicians silenced me with a barrage of punches, and then, turning me over, swung at my back over four hundred more times. There was no reasoning with Mi Ami. They were spooked, but only became more aggressive as the night went on. Just before I blacked out, the sun started to rise in the distance. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I had to start typing up those Mi Ami tourdates.
US dates:
03.11.11 - Brooklyn, NY - Pianos
03.12.11 - Philadelphia, PA - Danger Danger Gallery
03.13.11 - Baltimore, MD - Floristree
03.14.11 - Chapel Hill, NC - The Nightlight
03.16.11 - New Orleans, LA - The Pearl
03.17.11 - Atlanta, GA - 529
03.18.11 - Charlottesville, VA - Magnolia
03.19.11 - Washington, DC - Subterranean A
03.20.11 - Swarthmore, PA - Olde Club (Swarthmore College)
03.21.11 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick Lounge
03.22.11 - Chicago, IL - Reuben’s Palace
03.23.11 - Ann Arbor, MI - Yellow Barn
03.26.11 - Brooklyn, NY - Glasslands #
03.27.11 - Brooklyn, NY - Public Assembly (DJ set)
# Laurel Halo, Psychic Reality
European dates:
04.09.11 - Rome, Italy - Init Roma
04.10.11 - Paris, France - La Java
04.12.11 - Lille, France - Aeronef %
04.13.11 - Brighton, UK - The Green Door Store
04.14.11 - London, UK - Corsica Studios
04.15.11 - Liverpool, UK - Mello Mello
04.16.11 - Dublin, Ireland - Button Factory
04.17.11 - Cork, Ireland - Crane Lane
04.19.11 - Manchester, UK - Islington Mill
04.20.11 - Glasgow, UK - Arts School
04.22.11 - Den Haag, Netherlands - Paard
04.23.11 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - OCCII
04.24.11 - Koln, Germany - Genau
04.25.11 - Trier, Germany - Exhaus
04.26.11 - Leipzig, Germany - Conne Island
04.27.11 - Berlin, Germany - Levee
% Battles
• Mi Ami: http://www.myspace.com/miamiamiami
• Thrill Jockey: http://thrilljockey.com
