- Countless million-selling records? Check.
- Member of a band with a catalog of legendary songs? Check.
- Culture-defining musical statements? Check.
- Duetted with Michael Jackson? Check.
- Composer of the coolest James Bond theme? Check.
Despite being the most boringly irrelevant member of The Beatles (hate email here), Paul McCartney sure does have a lot of accomplishments as part of his legacy. However, not a man to rest on his laurels, McCartney has recently added a new success to the list, as his show on April 19 at Las Vegas’ New Joint at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino has sold all 4,000 tickets in a record seven seconds, a rate of 600 seats per second. Tickets haven’t sold this fast since I conned people into buying their way into Obama’s victory rally on Election Night!
Promoters for the show, Concerts West/AEG Live, barely revealing their shock at the new triumph, expect even more world records to be set the night of the show. “Although Guinness World Records cites numerous records relating to Valentine's Day, nobody has managed a Valentine's party this big before -- so we'll be claiming that," said a spokesman for the agency. Tickets were released on February 14 (deliberately), so “lovers could express their feelings with the ultimate Valentine's Day gift surprise.” Ah, yes, nothing says love like chair-dancing to a song you’ve heard a thousand times.
Concerts West/AEG Live are hoping to set a world record for “the planet’s biggest ‘love-in.” Big love-in? Wow, that reminds me of San Fran in ’67 or Taiwan in 2007. Yep, Taiwan, that sounds like another world record to break: “And there is another Guinness record it would be cool to break there too -- the world record for the most couples hugging simultaneously is 1,451, set in Taiwan in 2007," the concert spokesman added, probably scowling slightly at the mention of Taiwan.
You know what? Fuck this. Fuck Paul McCartney. There is nothing more boring to me at this point in my life than talking about The Beatles or anything related to The Beatles. Yeah, we all know they did a lot for popular music. Get over it, talk about something else. I don’t think that anything annoys me more than when people list the Beatles as their favorite band. Big Fucking Surprise. Those people also enjoy food, and oxygen, oh and “being happy.” WE ALL LIKE THE BEATLES!
Tickets for the show are being scalped online for $1,000.
