As comedian Dana Carvey once said, you have to have balls the size of Earth to change your name from G-G-Gordon to Sting. How the hell did he pull that off? If a friend of mine tried to tell me to call him ‘Dew-Drop' instead of ‘Jeremy' I'd probably drop a MEAN elbow right down on his head just to show him Americans don't put up with that SHIT. Because I'm tough, I could probably get away with it.
Pretentious names aside, we all know a Police reunion would/will be a HUGE deal, if only because we would be saved the agony of more awful Gordon (aka Sting, Dew-Drop) solo music. We also all know that rumors have been swirling like a carton of 'nilla-fudge ice cream. First, G-G-Gordon said the group is planning to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the release of Roxanne, a laff-tastic movie starring Steve Martin. They must really like that movie! The trio are also apparently preparing to Bust the world at the Grammys on February 11. I don't know why-the-flip they'd choose the clown-shoe'd Grammys as their point of entry though... why not something classy, like the Ace Awards, or maybe they could co-host the Emmys with Kelsey Grammar and the latest stripper he's dating? Or the Simpsons-curated Princie Awards? That would be nails. I predict right here and now that Skinner sweeps 'em...
Other rumors have The Police dew-dropping on Bonaroo Festival, which has gone from ‘ewwww, hippie smell-jam' to ‘ooooh, hippie smell-jam!' in a few short years, and embarking on a full-scale world tour, which would be announced the day after the Grammys performance. Of course, that's just what we'll be expecting them to do, so expect a bevy of twists and turns worthy of a '50s mystery thriller. In addition, Goooordon still has to complete his February-through-March Pied Piper tour in support of his solo lute album, so until then we'll just have to HURRY-UP-AND-WAIT for official announcements. [double-take] A fucking solo lute album? I wish I were making this up; really. But one thing is for sure: If The Police reunite before Chinese Democracy comes out, I will have won a lifetime supply of mini-reubens from a close friend (we made a bet in '95 see, and signed in our own blood... I'd like to see Goooordon make such a gutsy bet).
