It’s November, which means I’m sick, of course. Therefore I spend my days filling my body with whatever-time-of-day-Quil and vast quantities of ibuprofen and orange juice, battling the coughing/aching/stuffy head/fever symptoms so I can rest. I drink tea when I’m sick. I never drink tea. Still, it’s come to my attention that I may be neglecting an avenue of remedy that I should have utilized long ago, one that was right there in front of my beet-red puffy face this whole time: sound therapy!
Fortunately, my doctor prescribed the perfect treatment, this brand-new release floor by Ulla Straus on Lillerne Tapes. I’m totally gonna give it a whirl, even though side effects may include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, aching, seizures, blood clots, and sudden death. I’m just kidding! What do you think this is, Cialis or something? Nah, Ulla Straus is all right. In fact, floor is, literally and metaphorically, just what the doctor ordered, a Vicks VapoRub of sonic balm slathered onto these clogged ears, the delicate synthesizer drones a cleansing menthol gently opening up stubborn blocked passages.
As “outside” drifts from side A, bolstering my immune system, to “inside” on side B, the medicine taking effect, I feel my health returning to a noticeable point, enough that I can get up off my couch and actually contemplate doing something productive today. Yes, you heard me right — floor actually lived up to its therapeutic function! Maybe these doctors have something going for them after all — I may have to forego prayer as my only method of healthcare from now on.
And kids, please consider floor as a daily preventative measure — you know, like how you constantly take doses of Airborne or something. It’ll slowly break up all that gunk that builds up on the inside of your body over time, the gunk that makes you all tense and jittery. And sometimes sick.
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